feeling blue? me too

(i wrote this note on facebook, but realized many people who i'd like to read and be encouraged by it, aren't my friends on facebook, so i'm posting on the dusty blog here for reading)


I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!--psalm 34:4-9

a couple of days ago, my sister and i were discussing the state of today's economy and other fears that are on the horizon for our generation. it seems like we are facing times that our generation has never faced before. in those times, one thing could define our lives, fear. yet, as someone who has been called by Christ from darkness and into light, it is becoming increasingly difficult to see where God leads because of my constant sin.

i'm not trying to say that the trials you are currently facing are hard or filled with pain and tears, trust me, i've had my share of them and while scripture directs me to mourn with those who mourn but also to rejoice with those who rejoice.

however, it seems to me that in these times of uncertainty, must not trust anything man made but rather trust the One who called us into His eternal kingdom. i know that might sound cliched but here's my logic, if God, who existed before all time and is completely sovereign over everything, from allowing the sun to shine but also to make sure our country is safe, He gave us our greatest need in life.

His son.

as someone who attends a church part of sovereign grace ministries, every sunday, i am blessed with the opportunity to be reminded through the songs and through the sermons of God taking on flesh, to rescue sinners like me. yet, when trials come and try to take my eyes from off Christ, i need to remind myself that this gracious God who doesn't allow me to be tempted more than i can bear, is also there to rescue me.

in my personal time of scripture reading and mediation, i've been focusing on how God not only saves sinners but continues to work in them, hold them, and rescues them. this scripture in particular has strengthen me and made me realize that now that i am in Christ, he has allowed me no longer to be alone.

"..But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen."--2timothy4:17-18

yes, the trials we face are hard, but we are not battling them alone! the Lord is beside us every step of the way, and He will, never, ever, let us go. if any of you have known me for any length of time, you know that i love to read, alot. maybe more than i should, but one of my favorite blogs is one called, "Of First Importance (http://firstimportance.org/)", which every day has a quote that reminds us as believers of truth that is within the gospel message. i would strongly encourage you to subscribe to this blog and be encouraged by the truth that these wise men have written about. here's a couple of goodies that i have been strengthen by lately that i hope it does the same for you too:

“‘If I knew I were one of God’s elect, I would come to Christ; but I fear I am not.’ To you I answer: nobody ever came to Christ because he knew himself to be one of the elect. It is quite true that God has of His mere good pleasure elected some to everlasting life, but they never knew it until they believed in Christ. Christ nowhere commands the elect to come to him. He commands all men everywhere to repent and believe the gospel. The question for you is not, ‘Am I one of the elect?’ but ‘Am I a sinner?’ Christ came to save sinners.”

- Robert Murray M’Cheyne


“On Christ, and what he has done, my soul hangs for time and eternity. And if your soul also hangs there, it will be saved as surely as mine shall be. And if you are lost trusting in Christ, I will be lost with you and will go to hell with you. I must do so, for I have nothing else to rely upon but the fact that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived, died, was buried, rose again, went to heaven, and still lives and pleads for sinners at the right hand of God.”

- Charles Spurgeon

trees, thoughts during a breakup

(picture taken by my sister, luz, check out the rest of her pictures at http://flickr.com/photos/luzbonita)


i've have always caught in wonder at the sight of trees. they seem so strong during the spring and summer months, only to experience death and lose their beautiful leaves in the atumn and winter months.

this has always amazed me that even though it seemed like all was dead and there was no hope, God was constantly at work.

it is like life before Christ opens our eyes, or in the words of the following song

All I Have Is Christ

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI), by Jordan Kauflin



------------------------
right now, i feel like a dead tree in the middle of winter, but i think that this healing will take some time, before God allows me to be a fully grown tree.

here's a couple of quotes that i am thinking on, along with a scripture that i am pondering:

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-- Lewis B. Smedes

"Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start."--Coldplay, The Scientist

4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
------psalm 34: 4-10, 15-20 esv

looking at me, so others might see, an opportunity and without fee, to see a man called me.

(for my women and literature course this semester, i was to write something in respond to the difficult question: who are you and here is my response,

in a hospital room in town called casa grande
at four ten in the afternoon, he came as planned
he came bursting forth with tears and black hair
after the doctors ran tests, they gave him to one who cared
he was given the name of Warrior Peace.


his mother spent time with a heart and ear for everyone except herself
her parents coming to this land from mexico, gave her the name of Help
she lived, breathed and loved all others above her own desires and dreams
she encouraged adventure in every moment of life, but not in their home on pinkley avenue
she told the boy to love, to dream, to be creative, to laugh
but to look to the Creator of all, for the young boy's hope and strength.


his father spent time with a cold and bitter heart for he did know how to love
his hands were wornout from fighting wars in Vietnam and Montana
for he was given the name of Dark Skinned Warrior
he would leave before the boy would wake up, solving problems of droughts and farmers
he would return home, and spend his days in front of a glowing television screen
as the years went on, the father would try his hand at art and remodeling their home,
but still not knowing how to love.


two years before his birth, a daughter was born to the newly formed family
she was given the name of Light, she was to be an example to the boy
when the two were children, they fought with rubber bands and pulling of hair
as the children grew, so did their relationship, through late nights and car accidents
and now they are strong like two saguaros in the middle of the desert.
looking back at the last twenty two years
there have been days of joy and of tears

my interests have changed, i've fallen in and out of love
there is One who has never changed who loves me from Above
He was there when i would play basketball alone
on the Cross of Calvary He Atoned
for all of my sins here on this earth
until the day i die and beginning at birth
that is where i find myself, called by name
to the One who bore all of my pain
i owe my life to him, for He was always there
when i would cry out asking why life isnt fair
even though i feel my love for Christ is in the least
He has working in me to be a Warrior of peace

for the Prince of Peace.

Praise the Lord, I am a guy

For one of my classes this semester, I was to write a response to a fictional person asking for my advice. Sort of like a Dear Abbey type thing. In less than an hour, I wrote my response and now looking it over before turning it in today, it's hilarious. Luz and I both agreed it is one of the dumbest assignments ever, but it has made me aware of how poorly I give advice.

So, here for your viewing pleasure is my paper. I totally don't agree with my advice but the basic concept behind the paper was to apply scholarly articles to the paper instead of listing my opinion. If it was my opinion, I think it'd be better. Here's the fictional letter and my Dear Abbey-ish reply:

• When I walked into my sociology class this semester, one of the first things I noticed was a very attractive woman sitting in the third row. I figure we might have similar interests (we’re both taking sociology) and she seems very intelligent when she answers questions in class. I really want to get to know this girl better and ask her out but I’m really nervous! How can I appear interesting and attractive to her too? What strategies might I use to persuade her to go on a date with me without seeming too pushy or desperate? If I can convince her to go on a date with me, what should I plan for us to do?

Signed, Smitten in Sociology

HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN AT SCHOOL

Marco Paz Galusha-Luna

Rose Farmer

Relational Communication

12/2/08

Dear Smitten in Sociology,

Before you rush over to a florist and buy a dozen roses for your lady in waiting, a few principles must be addressed. First off, these feelings that are raging around inside your head right now are perfectly normal. There have been numerous reports done by scholars across our country and around the world sharing in these thoughts. However, instead of trusting your own judgment, I would suggest in order to make yourself more appealing we must look at things from her eyes and not our eyes as men. Because, Smitten, as men we view attraction very different from our female counterparts. For example, one researcher by the name of Abbey back in 1982 conducted an experiment where men and women were put together in groups and one on one conversation and both men and the women were asked to rate themselves and the people they met on their level of attraction and seduction. The results? The men in the study reportedly had rated the women that they interacted with on a much higher level of sexual attraction than the women who rated the men. So, Smitten, I think it would be best to look at things through her eyes and we will determine together how we can make you more attractive to your female friend.

Beginning with a fundamental question, what attracts women to men? The first area I would like to point out to you is smell. Researchers, Thornhill and Gangestead originated the thought that women find men attractive not only on the basis of physical features but also the way the men smelled as well. This might seem like an easy route to take if you remember to take a shower, but I think it is something much deeper than that. In a more recent study, Joshua Foster at the University of South Alabama, hypnotized that the previous research had put too much effort into the smell factor but underestimated the fact that as we as people change, we will begin to rely one of our biggest assets, our vision. So, in his study, he wanted to find a balance between both women’s smell and their sight. He began his research by asking taking a picture of his male participants and asked them not to give any facial expressions. He later gave them a t-shirt in a freezer bag and told them to wear it when going to bed but to not to use any scents to clean the shirt or to engage in activities like drinking alcohol or taking in substances or even eating food that gave off a strong aroma. They could only wear this shirt at night and they could not wash it or use scented deodorant or clean with scents. After this experiment with the men, Foster had set up different areas of his area with the t-shirts of the men and pictures of the same men and asked women to rate the attraction of the men from their odor and picture. The women in the study found a balance between the image and the body odor of the men. So, Smitten, one way you can appear to be appealing to your fellow classmate, is simply by taking that extra time in the shower and invest in some deodorant that smells good.

The next step is to observe how she uses her attractiveness in your classroom to her advantage. I know this might seem out of place because we are viewing this from her eyes, but studies have found that women more likely than us men use their physical features to get what they want. You’ve seen it done it in the movies but look at how she interacts in the classroom, because that will better help you in your evaluation of her. Davies and Shackelford while preparing for their research, found a study where women used their sexuality by dressing in ways that showed off their bodies to try and influence men in power. The study they found that indeed women use their sexuality to influence men in power like bouncers in a club. They decided to further test this by seeing if it worked in every day situations and not just the ones with men who are in powerful roles In their study they found that men would be more willing to do a favor for an attractive female stranger but with women they found that it was very close. It was too close to tell if women do use their attractiveness to obtain favors from male strangers.

The next step into wooing your lady friend might seem like an obvious one but it is something we are to consider and that is the type of vehicle you drive. Lauren Morere from Siena College conducted a study where the participants were asked to rate a person’s attractiveness based off their appearance and type of car that they drove. What she found was that females found men more attractive if they drove a car that was consider more “masculine” like a truck as oppose to a compact car or a minivan. Smitten, if you are driving your parents’ minivan, I would highly recommend selling it and buying a truck if you want to woo this young lady.

The final step that I can advise you Smitten is to talk to her! It is not good that you are holding many of these feelings inside, in fact, it will make things worse and worse if you hold it in. Simply put if you do not speak with her and try to establish something at the beginning, it will be more difficult as time goes on. In their study, Sanders, Keiter, Miles and Yopyk were determined to see if couples who set intimacy goals help make for a successful relationship. They referenced a study by someone by the name of Buss who found way back in 1985 that it is good to understand and realize when you are setting your plan for pursuing something is to see if the other person’s goals and needs will lead to the fulfillment in the other person.

So, be yourself and speak with your classmate, you will be able to know more about her the moment you, take a shower and wear good deodorant, ditch the family van and just begin talking with her. It will cause you less grief and you might just be able to find that special person for you!

References

Davies, A., Goetz, A., & Shackelford, T. (2008, September). Exploiting the beauty in the eye of the beholder: The use of physical attractiveness as a persuasive tactic. Personality & Individual Differences, 45(4), 302-306. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1016/j.paid.2008.04.016

Foster, J. (2008, December). Beauty Is Mostly in the Eye of the Beholder: Olfactory Versus Visual Cues of Attractiveness. Journal of Social Psychology, 148(6), 765-774. Retrieved December 2, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database.

Levesque, M., Nave, C., & Lowe, C. (2006, June). TOWARD AN UNDERSTANDING OF GENDER DIFFERENCES IN INFERRING SEXUAL INTEREST. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 30(2), 150-158. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1111/j.1471-6402.2006.00278.x

Morere, L. (2007, September). Perception of Personal Attractiveness Associated with Vehicles. Psychology Journal, 4(3), 102-108. Retrieved December 2, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database.

SANDERSON, C., KEITER, E., MILES, M., & YOPYK, D. (2007, June). The association between intimacy goals and plans for initiating dating relationships. Personal Relationships, 14(2), 225-243. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2007.00152.x

Laughter...

"Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dignity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego....Only the truly humble belong to this kingdom of divine laughter...Humor and humility should keep good company. Self deprecating humor can be a healthy reminder that we are not the center of the universe, that humility is our proper posture before our fellow humans as well as before almighty God..."I suppose..we should mind humiliation less if we were but humbler."--C.S. Lewis

as long as i can remember, i loved to laugh. no matter what was said or done, i laughed. i find it one of my more enjoyable hobbies and it has also been proven to a healthy benefit too. the quote at the beginning of this entry has become one of my favorite. one of my heroes in the faith, CJ Mahaney wrote in his book on humility that during the course of pursuing humility over pride, one must laugh frequently and laugh at one's self. lately, i have found many instances where having joy expressed through laughter was the highlight of my time with friends and family.

if you have known me for any stretch of time, you are aware of two things: my love of laughter and my inability to dress myself. both i find with time will only get better and better, the latter i am assured will be smoother once i tie the knot. i digress.

yesterrday, i went to target to pick out a suit for a friend of mine's upcoming wedding. i decided to browse the men's clearance rack for bargins and i found this shirt that was screaming to be purchased. it was a cool looking shirt and i saw the tag on it said five dollars. it did concern me that the size said large but it looked a little small, but no matter, i was going to buy it and wear it!

today as i tried on my clothes, i decided to try on the shirt and i realized something was wrong. it was smaller than i thought it was, furthermore, the buttons were on the opposite side of the shirt. to my horror, i had purchased a girl's shirt. still in shock, i wandered into the kitchen where one of my roommates was doing homework and proceeded to share what had happened in the bathroom five seconds ago. the words, "i think i am bought a girl's shirt" brought much laughter to both of us. we both had a good laugh about all the signs i should have been aware of and we decided to take pictures.

the moral of this story, try on clothes first and then purchase them. if not, then be prepared to be laughed at for your poor choice of clothing.

Looking Back Part Two

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in His dark and hidden mines
With never-failing skill
He fashions all His bright designs
And works His sovereign will

O fearful saints new courage take
The clouds that you now dread
Are big with mercy and will break
In blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His grace
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face

God’s purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain
God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain —w. cowper


One of my favorite hobbies, for better or for worse, is that I enjoy history. As a child, one of my favorite books beside my bible was reading the encyclopedia Britannica and the world almanac. These books allowed me to see the world beyond a small home on Pinkley Avenue. As my ability to read improved, so did my books that I read. I moved to books about reading about the past so much that I longed for the ability to travel in time, so I could interact with these characters.

As I have grown up, I have realized that history has a tendency to repeat it self, almost like a broken record. Right now I am reading through the book of Judges in my devotional time, it's sad to see that the people of God did the same thing over and over again. Multiple times at the beginning of each chapter starts with the same “And the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord..”

It's remarkable to me that even though they cried out for deliverance, they were rescued, but then once again, chose not to follow the Lord and His ways. Furthermore in the Bible, we read that there is “nothing new under the sun” which is a fancy of saying that history repeats it's self. However, I cannot look at history the same, because history is meant to show us our past failures and successes and place them into perspective. Sure we all have had good memories and bad ones, but each memory, each time of joy and sadness was to mold us and God used them all to turn us into the people we are today.

There are many instances of where scripture reminds us to recall or call to remembrance the faithfulness of the Lord, one such verse is in Hebrews 10, starting with verse 32 which says, “But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, 33 sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. 34 For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. 35 Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a lens into one of my more joyful experiences from serving our sister church in New Orleans (http://limitedhero.blogspot.com/2008/10/three-years-ago.html) and today, I'd like to share one of my more painful memories. Three years today, I was checked into a behavioral health hospital, think of it like the hospital from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Consider the following blog entry from me two weeks after I was checked out of the hospital like a time capsule:

Reclaiming Hope
Over the last month, because of the recent divorce and now reconsideration of marriage between my mother and father, I've had to figure out what would be important to me in life. Sure i know that my faith would be the number one priority in life, but what about life goals, school goals and other goals. And now with the upcoming thanksgiving holiday ,I've taken a step back and had moments of reflections of what am i thankful for this holiday season. I think so often it the rigors of daily living, we take so many gifts from God for granted on a daily basis and it gets to the point where we are not thankful anymore. We're grateful that God created the world in six days, sending the son to die for our sins and raising him from the grave in three, but when it comes to our faith that God will protect us while we drive, or health problems rise up, which doctor do we put our faith in? The great physician or a doctor? I'm not going to make the argument that we should only receive medical attention when we feel like our lives are coming to an end, however, i am going to make the argument that we should put more of our faith in God rather than ourselves.

For starters, if we believe that the God who we serve is the same one that we read about in the Bible, why are we caught up in worrying and fretting if we know our car won't work? I know i can get caught up in the moment of worry and question if God will provide all my needs in life. This happens due to the fact that when i begin to worry and become anxiousness about my needs, i start to have a attitude shift from knowing that God provides all my needs in life to asking why hasn't God provided me a car or a wife. These are things that i would like but the bigger question is why do i want them right now in this season of life. See that's the root of the issue, God constantly tests my heart to see if I'm resting in the fact if i realize he is sufficient to meet all my needs while not trusting the thoughts that are in my head. This is also due to the fact that i don't preach the gospel to myself on a daily basis, so i let my heart do the talking to my mind and vice versa without the gospel being the force where these two entities (my heart and mind) should be unified instead of divided.

Last week, because of the concern of my family that i wasn't thinking clearly and i wasn't eating enough and sleep problems was my conditions while my mind was like a giant jigsaw puzzle with many of the pieces scattered all over the place. They noticed this dramatic shift of who i used to be like and under their care, i was checked into a medical behavioral center. Many moments, i felt like i was in a jail cell, with no way out. The only way i knew i felt comfort in this moment of uncertainty was that God still allowed me to live another day and that all my sins that I've committed in life were paid for by jess's finished work on the cross. I was known by the members of the staff as someone deeply religious while my fellow patients knew me as mr. nice guy. As the days continued, i was concerned with a sense of amazement of God's goodness on my life, because that was the only way i was anchored down while other patients looked for help for their problems outside the realm of the gospel. The gospel was the only way i felt strong in this time, where people seek to find the truth of their problems and the problems of this world by blaming God or finding a hole inside their heart that only the gospel can fill. During my quiet times, i found comfort through David's crying out to the Lord for mercy. The psalms were rich with truth that even though times are rough and difficult, God continues to be a shield to those who know him but also His love is steadfast and true.

The following week when i returned from the hospital, i had to voluntary resign from working at starbucks because i was caught inside a web of confusion and uncertainty due to the medication, i was given to balance out the chemicals running around inside my brain. Right now as i compose this entry, i am still on medication but I'm more at peace knowing that God continues to show his love to me, through Christ's work on my behalf, taking the wrath of God that was meant for me, and now i am considered one of the many heirs to the kingdom of God. This has given me peace when i am frighten, joy when i despair but overall I've received hope that God will continue to meet all my needs in life. Because he already met my biggest need in life through the cross, how much more will he provide a new job, a car, and very possibly a wife in the upcoming seasons of life?

If you're searching for an new book of the bible to read during your quiet time, I'd recommend the psalms and mediate on the characteristics the psalmist proclaims in his poems.

Overall, what's happened to paz? I cant really say because I'm figuring out more quickly day after day, that God is sufficient to meet my needs in life, and that i need to put all my faith in him instead of the work that i do. He will provide all the unanswered questions i have about the near by future and will continue to hold me even when i may act like a prodigal son, he still welcomes me back home.

This is one of the earlier catechisms of the faith, which was from my knowledge of the purpose of catechisms were little guides to explaining your faith. And here is a summary of what the last few weeks have been like:
Question 1.

What is thy only comfort in life and death?
Answer.
That I with body and soul, both in life and death, (a)
am not my own, (b)
but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; (c)
who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, (d)
and delivered me from all the power of the devil; (e)
and so preserves me (f)
that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; (g)
yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, (h)
and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, (i)
and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him. (j)

(a) Rom.14:7,8. (b) 1 Cor.6:19. (c) 1 Cor.3:23; Tit.2:14. (d) 1 Pet.1:18,19; 1 John 1:7; 1 John 2:2,12. (e) Heb.2:14; 1 John 3:8; John 8:34-36. (f) John 6:39; John 10:28; 2 Thess.3:3; 1 Pet.1:5. (g)
Matt.10:29-31; Luke 21:18. (h) Rom.8:28. (i) 2 Cor.1:20-22; 2 Cor.5:5;
Eph.1:13,14; Rom.8:16. (j) Rom.8:14; 1 John 3:3.

Question 2.

How many things are necessary for thee to know, that thou, enjoying this comfort, mayest live and die happily?
Answer.
Three; (a)
the first, how great my sins and miseries are; (b)
the second, how I may be delivered from all my sins and miseries; (c)
the third, how I shall express my gratitude to God for such
deliverance. (d)

(a) Matt.11:28-30; Luke 24:46-48; 1 Cor.6:11; Tit.3:3-7. (b) John 9:41; John 15:22. (c) John 17:3; Acts 4:12; Acts 10:43. (d) Eph.5:8-11; 1 Pet.2:9,10; Rom.6:1,2,12,13.

-heidelburg catechism (http://www.ccel.org/creeds/heidelberg-cat.html)
------
The poem I shared at the beginning was constantly on my heart and mind during my during my week admittance in the hospital, but I am with great joy to share what has happened since that trip. God has allowed me to be off medication for the last two and half years. He has allowed me to move out of my parents home, I'm working a job that I love, I am two semesters away from graduations with my bachelors degree, I'm a member of a church that points me back to Jesus and what He has and continues to do on my behalf, and my relationship wit the King of the universe has grown by leaps and bounds. This isn't all to share my goodness, because frankly I don't have any good within me. All the good that is within my life is given to me through God's spirit which is indwelling in me. He produces all the fruit that people see in my life that is considered, “good.”

When I woke up this morning, I heard this song written by Bebo Norman on Pandora and it reminded me of how I am not to dwell in the past like I used to but look forward to God's future work while reminding myself of God's past faithfulness to me: (lyrics: http://www.bebonorman.com/lyrics.php?productid=522, video: http://twxr.us/1qx )

without

for one of my english courses this semester, i was suppose to write a poem in the style of ee cummings. i haven't written a poem in two and half years, so this was a random stab in the dark. here it is:

without

without the sun or each whisk of air,
i'm undone, sitting, wishing, for one who is fair

without blood in my veins or each smile on faces
i'm still looking at my chains from different places

without a new day or each hour drawing me closer to infinity
i'm the same today, reminds me of my purpose,

oh holy trinity.