thoughts and convictions

New Blog

2010-03-16T11:27:00.003-07:00

confession: i've started a new blog and thus, neglecting this one. if, you're still interested in reading my thoughts, i'd recommend checking the new one for more writing.

http://failuresandgrace.blogspot.com/

feeling blue? me too

2009-02-26T13:05:00.001-07:00

(i wrote this note on facebook, but realized many people who i'd like to read and be encouraged by it, aren't my friends on facebook, so i'm posting on the dusty blog here for reading)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!--psalm 34:4-9

a couple of days ago, my sister and i were discussing the state of today's economy and other fears that are on the horizon for our generation. it seems like we are facing times that our generation has never faced before. in those times, one thing could define our lives, fear. yet, as someone who has been called by Christ from darkness and into light, it is becoming increasingly difficult to see where God leads because of my constant sin.

i'm not trying to say that the trials you are currently facing are hard or filled with pain and tears, trust me, i've had my share of them and while scripture directs me to mourn with those who mourn but also to rejoice with those who rejoice.

however, it seems to me that in these times of uncertainty, must not trust anything man made but rather trust the One who called us into His eternal kingdom. i know that might sound cliched but here's my logic, if God, who existed before all time and is completely sovereign over everything, from allowing the sun to shine but also to make sure our country is safe, He gave us our greatest need in life.

His son.

as someone who attends a church part of sovereign grace ministries, every sunday, i am blessed with the opportunity to be reminded through the songs and through the sermons of God taking on flesh, to rescue sinners like me. yet, when trials come and try to take my eyes from off Christ, i need to remind myself that this gracious God who doesn't allow me to be tempted more than i can bear, is also there to rescue me.

in my personal time of scripture reading and mediation, i've been focusing on how God not only saves sinners but continues to work in them, hold them, and rescues them. this scripture in particular has strengthen me and made me realize that now that i am in Christ, he has allowed me no longer to be alone.

"..But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen."--2timothy4:17-18

yes, the trials we face are hard, but we are not battling them alone! the Lord is beside us every step of the way, and He will, never, ever, let us go. if any of you have known me for any length of time, you know that i love to read, alot. maybe more than i should, but one of my favorite blogs is one called, "Of First Importance (http://firstimportance.org/)", which every day has a quote that reminds us as believers of truth that is within the gospel message. i would strongly encourage you to subscribe to this blog and be encouraged by the truth that these wise men have written about. here's a couple of goodies that i have been strengthen by lately that i hope it does the same for you too:

“‘If I knew I were one of God’s elect, I would come to Christ; but I fear I am not.’ To you I answer: nobody ever came to Christ because he knew himself to be one of the elect. It is quite true that God has of His mere good pleasure elected some to everlasting life, but they never knew it until they believed in Christ. Christ nowhere commands the elect to come to him. He commands all men everywhere to repent and believe the gospel. The question for you is not, ‘Am I one of the elect?’ but ‘Am I a sinner?’ Christ came to save sinners.”

- Robert Murray M’Cheyne

“On Christ, and what he has done, my soul hangs for time and eternity. And if your soul also hangs there, it will be saved as surely as mine shall be. And if you are lost trusting in Christ, I will be lost with you and will go to hell with you. I must do so, for I have nothing else to rely upon but the fact that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived, died, was buried, rose again, went to heaven, and still lives and pleads for sinners at the right hand of God.”

- Charles Spurgeon

trees, thoughts during a breakup

2009-02-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

(picture taken by my sister, luz, check out the rest of her pictures at http://flickr.com/photos/luzbonita)

i've have always caught in wonder at the sight of trees. they seem so strong during the spring and summer months, only to experience death and lose their beautiful leaves in the atumn and winter months.

this has always amazed me that even though it seemed like all was dead and there was no hope, God was constantly at work.

it is like life before Christ opens our eyes, or in the words of the following song

All I Have Is Christ

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI), by Jordan Kauflin

------------------------
right now, i feel like a dead tree in the middle of winter, but i think that this healing will take some time, before God allows me to be a fully grown tree.

here's a couple of quotes that i am thinking on, along with a scripture that i am pondering:

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-- Lewis B. Smedes

"Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start."--Coldplay, The Scientist

4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
------psalm 34: 4-10, 15-20 esv

looking at me, so others might see, an opportunity and without fee, to see a man called me.

2009-01-28T10:57:00.001-07:00

(for my women and literature course this semester, i was to write something in respond to the difficult question: who are you and here is my response,

in a hospital room in town called casa grande
at four ten in the afternoon, he came as planned
he came bursting forth with tears and black hair
after the doctors ran tests, they gave him to one who cared
he was given the name of Warrior Peace.

his mother spent time with a heart and ear for everyone except herself
her parents coming to this land from mexico, gave her the name of Help
she lived, breathed and loved all others above her own desires and dreams
she encouraged adventure in every moment of life, but not in their home on pinkley avenue
she told the boy to love, to dream, to be creative, to laugh
but to look to the Creator of all, for the young boy's hope and strength.

his father spent time with a cold and bitter heart for he did know how to love
his hands were wornout from fighting wars in Vietnam and Montana
for he was given the name of Dark Skinned Warrior
he would leave before the boy would wake up, solving problems of droughts and farmers
he would return home, and spend his days in front of a glowing television screen
as the years went on, the father would try his hand at art and remodeling their home,
but still not knowing how to love.

two years before his birth, a daughter was born to the newly formed family
she was given the name of Light, she was to be an example to the boy
when the two were children, they fought with rubber bands and pulling of hair
as the children grew, so did their relationship, through late nights and car accidents
and now they are strong like two saguaros in the middle of the desert.
looking back at the last twenty two years
there have been days of joy and of tears

my interests have changed, i've fallen in and out of love
there is One who has never changed who loves me from Above
He was there when i would play basketball alone
on the Cross of Calvary He Atoned
for all of my sins here on this earth
until the day i die and beginning at birth
that is where i find myself, called by name
to the One who bore all of my pain
i owe my life to him, for He was always there
when i would cry out asking why life isnt fair
even though i feel my love for Christ is in the least
He has working in me to be a Warrior of peace

for the Prince of Peace.

Praise the Lord, I am a guy

2008-12-02T14:27:00.005-07:00

For one of my classes this semester, I was to write a response to a fictional person asking for my advice. Sort of like a Dear Abbey type thing. In less than an hour, I wrote my response and now looking it over before turning it in today, it's hilarious. Luz and I both agreed it is one of the dumbest assignments ever, but it has made me aware of how poorly I give advice.

So, here for your viewing pleasure is my paper. I totally don't agree with my advice but the basic concept behind the paper was to apply scholarly articles to the paper instead of listing my opinion. If it was my opinion, I think it'd be better. Here's the fictional letter and my Dear Abbey-ish reply:

When I walked into my sociology class this semester, one of the first things I noticed was a very attractive woman sitting in the third row. I figure we might have similar interests (we’re both taking sociology) and she seems very intelligent when she answers questions in class. I really want to get to know this girl better and ask her out but I’m really nervous! How can I appear interesting and attractive to her too? What strategies might I use to persuade her to go on a date with me without seeming too pushy or desperate? If I can convince her to go on a date with me, what should I plan for us to do?

Signed, Smitten in Sociology

HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN AT SCHOOL

Marco Paz Galusha-Luna

Rose Farmer

Relational Communication

12/2/08

Dear Smitten in Sociology,

Before you rush over to a florist and buy a dozen roses for your lady in waiting, a few principles must be addressed. First off, these feelings that are raging around inside your head right now are perfectly normal. There have been numerous reports done by scholars across our country and around the world sharing in these thoughts. However, instead of trusting your own judgment, I would suggest in order to make yourself more appealing we must look at things from her eyes and not our eyes as men. Because, Smitten, as men we view attraction very different from our female counterparts. For example, one researcher by the name of Abbey back in 1982 conducted an experiment where men and women were put together in groups and one on one conversation and both men and the women were asked to rate themselves and the people they met on their level of attraction and seduction. The results? The men in the study reportedly had rated the women that they interacted with on a much higher level of sexual attraction than the women who rated the men. So, Smitten, I think it would be best to look at things through her eyes and we will determine together how we can make you more attractive to your female friend.

Beginning with a fundamental question, what attracts women to men? The first area I would like to point out to you is smell. Researchers, Thornhill and Gangestead originated the thought that women find men attractive not only on the basis of physical features but also the way the men smelled as well. This might seem like an easy route to take if you remember to take a shower, but I think it is something much deeper than that. In a more recent study, Joshua Foster at the University of South Alabama, hypnotized that the previous research had put too much effort into the smell factor but underestimated the fact that as we as people change, we will begin to rely one of our biggest assets, our vision. So, in his study, he wanted to find a balance between both women’s smell and their sight. He began his research by asking taking a picture of his male participants and asked them not to give any facial expressions. He later gave them a t-shirt in a freezer bag and told them to wear it when going to bed but to not to use any scents to clean the shirt or to engage in activities like drinking alcohol or taking in substances or even eating food that gave off a strong aroma. They could only wear this shirt at night and they could not wash it or use scented deodorant or clean with scents. After this experiment with the men, Foster had set up different areas of his area with the t-shirts of the men and pictures of the same men and asked women to rate the attraction of the men from their odor and picture. The women in the study found a balance between the image and the body odor of the men. So, Smitten, one way you can appear to be appealing to your fellow classmate, is simply by taking that extra time in the shower and invest in some deodorant that smells good.

The next step is to observe how she uses her attractiveness in your classroom to her advantage. I know this might seem out of place because we are viewing this from her eyes, but studies have found that women more likely than us men use their physical features to get what they want. You’ve seen it done it in the movies but look at how she interacts in the classroom, because that will better help you in your evaluation of her. Davies and Shackelford while preparing for their research, found a study where women used their sexuality by dressing in ways that showed off their bodies to try and influence men in power. The study they found that indeed women use their sexuality to influence men in power like bouncers in a club. They decided to further test this by seeing if it worked in every day situations and not just the ones with men who are in powerful roles In their study they found that men would be more willing to do a favor for an attractive female stranger but with women they found that it was very close. It was too close to tell if women do use their attractiveness to obtain favors from male strangers.

The next step into wooing your lady friend might seem like an obvious one but it is something we are to consider and that is the type of vehicle you drive. Lauren Morere from Siena College conducted a study where the participants were asked to rate a person’s attractiveness based off their appearance and type of car that they drove. What she found was that females found men more attractive if they drove a car that was consider more “masculine” like a truck as oppose to a compact car or a minivan. Smitten, if you are driving your parents’ minivan, I would highly recommend selling it and buying a truck if you want to woo this young lady.

The final step that I can advise you Smitten is to talk to her! It is not good that you are holding many of these feelings inside, in fact, it will make things worse and worse if you hold it in. Simply put if you do not speak with her and try to establish something at the beginning, it will be more difficult as time goes on. In their study, Sanders, Keiter, Miles and Yopyk were determined to see if couples who set intimacy goals help make for a successful relationship. They referenced a study by someone by the name of Buss who found way back in 1985 that it is good to understand and realize when you are setting your plan for pursuing something is to see if the other person’s goals and needs will lead to the fulfillment in the other person.

So, be yourself and speak with your classmate, you will be able to know more about her the moment you, take a shower and wear good deodorant, ditch the family van and just begin talking with her. It will cause you less grief and you might just be able to find that special person for you!

References

Davies, A., Goetz, A., & Shackelford, T. (2008, September). Exploiting the beauty in the eye of the beholder: The use of physical attractiveness as a persuasive tactic. Personality & Individual Differences, 45(4), 302-306. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1016/j.paid.2008.04.016

Foster, J. (2008, December). Beauty Is Mostly in the Eye of the Beholder: Olfactory Versus Visual Cues of Attractiveness. Journal of Social Psychology, 148(6), 765-774. Retrieved December 2, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database.

Levesque, M., Nave, C., & Lowe, C. (2006, June). TOWARD AN UNDERSTANDING OF GENDER DIFFERENCES IN INFERRING SEXUAL INTEREST. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 30(2), 150-158. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1111/j.1471-6402.2006.00278.x

Morere, L. (2007, September). Perception of Personal Attractiveness Associated with Vehicles. Psychology Journal, 4(3), 102-108. Retrieved December 2, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database.

SANDERSON, C., KEITER, E., MILES, M., & YOPYK, D. (2007, June). The association between intimacy goals and plans for initiating dating relationships. Personal Relationships, 14(2), 225-243. Retrieved December 2, 2008, doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2007.00152.x

Laughter...

2008-11-12T10:11:00.005-07:00

"Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dignity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego....Only the truly humble belong to this kingdom of divine laughter...Humor and humility should keep good company. Self deprecating humor can be a healthy reminder that we are not the center of the universe, that humility is our proper posture before our fellow humans as well as before almighty God..."I suppose..we should mind humiliation less if we were but humbler."--C.S. Lewis

as long as i can remember, i loved to laugh. no matter what was said or done, i laughed. i find it one of my more enjoyable hobbies and it has also been proven to a healthy benefit too. the quote at the beginning of this entry has become one of my favorite. one of my heroes in the faith, CJ Mahaney wrote in his book on humility that during the course of pursuing humility over pride, one must laugh frequently and laugh at one's self. lately, i have found many instances where having joy expressed through laughter was the highlight of my time with friends and family.

if you have known me for any stretch of time, you are aware of two things: my love of laughter and my inability to dress myself. both i find with time will only get better and better, the latter i am assured will be smoother once i tie the knot. i digress.

yesterrday, i went to target to pick out a suit for a friend of mine's upcoming wedding. i decided to browse the men's clearance rack for bargins and i found this shirt that was screaming to be purchased. it was a cool looking shirt and i saw the tag on it said five dollars. it did concern me that the size said large but it looked a little small, but no matter, i was going to buy it and wear it!

today as i tried on my clothes, i decided to try on the shirt and i realized something was wrong. it was smaller than i thought it was, furthermore, the buttons were on the opposite side of the shirt. to my horror, i had purchased a girl's shirt. still in shock, i wandered into the kitchen where one of my roommates was doing homework and proceeded to share what had happened in the bathroom five seconds ago. the words, "i think i am bought a girl's shirt" brought much laughter to both of us. we both had a good laugh about all the signs i should have been aware of and we decided to take pictures.

the moral of this story, try on clothes first and then purchase them. if not, then be prepared to be laughed at for your poor choice of clothing.

Looking Back Part Two

2008-10-24T14:52:00.001-07:00

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in His dark and hidden mines
With never-failing skill
He fashions all His bright designs
And works His sovereign will

O fearful saints new courage take
The clouds that you now dread
Are big with mercy and will break
In blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His grace
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face

God’s purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain
God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain —w. cowper

One of my favorite hobbies, for better or for worse, is that I enjoy history. As a child, one of my favorite books beside my bible was reading the encyclopedia Britannica and the world almanac. These books allowed me to see the world beyond a small home on Pinkley Avenue. As my ability to read improved, so did my books that I read. I moved to books about reading about the past so much that I longed for the ability to travel in time, so I could interact with these characters.

As I have grown up, I have realized that history has a tendency to repeat it self, almost like a broken record. Right now I am reading through the book of Judges in my devotional time, it's sad to see that the people of God did the same thing over and over again. Multiple times at the beginning of each chapter starts with the same “And the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord..”

It's remarkable to me that even though they cried out for deliverance, they were rescued, but then once again, chose not to follow the Lord and His ways. Furthermore in the Bible, we read that there is “nothing new under the sun” which is a fancy of saying that history repeats it's self. However, I cannot look at history the same, because history is meant to show us our past failures and successes and place them into perspective. Sure we all have had good memories and bad ones, but each memory, each time of joy and sadness was to mold us and God used them all to turn us into the people we are today.

There are many instances of where scripture reminds us to recall or call to remembrance the faithfulness of the Lord, one such verse is in Hebrews 10, starting with verse 32 which says, “But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, 33 sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. 34 For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. 35 Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a lens into one of my more joyful experiences from serving our sister church in New Orleans (http://limitedhero.blogspot.com/2008/10/three-years-ago.html) and today, I'd like to share one of my more painful memories. Three years today, I was checked into a behavioral health hospital, think of it like the hospital from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Consider the following blog entry from me two weeks after I was checked out of the hospital like a time capsule:

Reclaiming Hope
Over the last month, because of the recent divorce and now reconsideration of marriage between my mother and father, I've had to figure out what would be important to me in life. Sure i know that my faith would be the number one priority in life, but what about life goals, school goals and other goals. And now with the upcoming thanksgiving holiday ,I've taken a step back and had moments of reflections of what am i thankful for this holiday season. I think so often it the rigors of daily living, we take so many gifts from God for granted on a daily basis and it gets to the point where we are not thankful anymore. We're grateful that God created the world in six days, sending the son to die for our sins and raising him from the grave in three, but when it comes to our faith that God will protect us while we drive, or health problems rise up, which doctor do we put our faith in? The great physician or a doctor? I'm not going to make the argument that we should only receive medical attention when we feel like our lives are coming to an end, however, i am going to make the argument that we should put more of our faith in God rather than ourselves.

For starters, if we believe that the God who we serve is the same one that we read about in the Bible, why are we caught up in worrying and fretting if we know our car won't work? I know i can get caught up in the moment of worry and question if God will provide all my needs in life. This happens due to the fact that when i begin to worry and become anxiousness about my needs, i start to have a attitude shift from knowing that God provides all my needs in life to asking why hasn't God provided me a car or a wife. These are things that i would like but the bigger question is why do i want them right now in this season of life. See that's the root of the issue, God constantly tests my heart to see if I'm resting in the fact if i realize he is sufficient to meet all my needs while not trusting the thoughts that are in my head. This is also due to the fact that i don't preach the gospel to myself on a daily basis, so i let my heart do the talking to my mind and vice versa without the gospel being the force where these two entities (my heart and mind) should be unified instead of divided.

Last week, because of the concern of my family that i wasn't thinking clearly and i wasn't eating enough and sleep problems was my conditions while my mind was like a giant jigsaw puzzle with many of the pieces scattered all over the place. They noticed this dramatic shift of who i used to be like and under their care, i was checked into a medical behavioral center. Many moments, i felt like i was in a jail cell, with no way out. The only way i knew i felt comfort in this moment of uncertainty was that God still allowed me to live another day and that all my sins that I've committed in life were paid for by jess's finished work on the cross. I was known by the members of the staff as someone deeply religious while my fellow patients knew me as mr. nice guy. As the days continued, i was concerned with a sense of amazement of God's goodness on my life, because that was the only way i was anchored down while other patients looked for help for their problems outside the realm of the gospel. The gospel was the only way i felt strong in this time, where people seek to find the truth of their problems and the problems of this world by blaming God or finding a hole inside their heart that only the gospel can fill. During my quiet times, i found comfort through David's crying out to the Lord for mercy. The psalms were rich with truth that even though times are rough and difficult, God continues to be a shield to those who know him but also His love is steadfast and true.

The following week when i returned from the hospital, i had to voluntary resign from working at starbucks because i was caught inside a web of confusion and uncertainty due to the medication, i was given to balance out the chemicals running around inside my brain. Right now as i compose this entry, i am still on medication but I'm more at peace knowing that God continues to show his love to me, through Christ's work on my behalf, taking the wrath of God that was meant for me, and now i am considered one of the many heirs to the kingdom of God. This has given me peace when i am frighten, joy when i despair but overall I've received hope that God will continue to meet all my needs in life. Because he already met my biggest need in life through the cross, how much more will he provide a new job, a car, and very possibly a wife in the upcoming seasons of life?

If you're searching for an new book of the bible to read during your quiet time, I'd recommend the psalms and mediate on the characteristics the psalmist proclaims in his poems.

Overall, what's happened to paz? I cant really say because I'm figuring out more quickly day after day, that God is sufficient to meet my needs in life, and that i need to put all my faith in him instead of the work that i do. He will provide all the unanswered questions i have about the near by future and will continue to hold me even when i may act like a prodigal son, he still welcomes me back home.

This is one of the earlier catechisms of the faith, which was from my knowledge of the purpose of catechisms were little guides to explaining your faith. And here is a summary of what the last few weeks have been like:
Question 1.

What is thy only comfort in life and death?
Answer.
That I with body and soul, both in life and death, (a)
am not my own, (b)
but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; (c)
who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, (d)
and delivered me from all the power of the devil; (e)
and so preserves me (f)
that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; (g)
yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, (h)
and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, (i)
and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him. (j)

(a) Rom.14:7,8. (b) 1 Cor.6:19. (c) 1 Cor.3:23; Tit.2:14. (d) 1 Pet.1:18,19; 1 John 1:7; 1 John 2:2,12. (e) Heb.2:14; 1 John 3:8; John 8:34-36. (f) John 6:39; John 10:28; 2 Thess.3:3; 1 Pet.1:5. (g)
Matt.10:29-31; Luke 21:18. (h) Rom.8:28. (i) 2 Cor.1:20-22; 2 Cor.5:5;
Eph.1:13,14; Rom.8:16. (j) Rom.8:14; 1 John 3:3.

Question 2.

How many things are necessary for thee to know, that thou, enjoying this comfort, mayest live and die happily?
Answer.
Three; (a)
the first, how great my sins and miseries are; (b)
the second, how I may be delivered from all my sins and miseries; (c)
the third, how I shall express my gratitude to God for such
deliverance. (d)

(a) Matt.11:28-30; Luke 24:46-48; 1 Cor.6:11; Tit.3:3-7. (b) John 9:41; John 15:22. (c) John 17:3; Acts 4:12; Acts 10:43. (d) Eph.5:8-11; 1 Pet.2:9,10; Rom.6:1,2,12,13.

-heidelburg catechism (http://www.ccel.org/creeds/heidelberg-cat.html)
------
The poem I shared at the beginning was constantly on my heart and mind during my during my week admittance in the hospital, but I am with great joy to share what has happened since that trip. God has allowed me to be off medication for the last two and half years. He has allowed me to move out of my parents home, I'm working a job that I love, I am two semesters away from graduations with my bachelors degree, I'm a member of a church that points me back to Jesus and what He has and continues to do on my behalf, and my relationship wit the King of the universe has grown by leaps and bounds. This isn't all to share my goodness, because frankly I don't have any good within me. All the good that is within my life is given to me through God's spirit which is indwelling in me. He produces all the fruit that people see in my life that is considered, “good.”

When I woke up this morning, I heard this song written by Bebo Norman on Pandora and it reminded me of how I am not to dwell in the past like I used to but look forward to God's future work while reminding myself of God's past faithfulness to me: (lyrics: http://www.bebonorman.com/lyrics.php?productid=522, video: http://twxr.us/1qx )

without

2008-10-21T23:15:00.002-07:00

for one of my english courses this semester, i was suppose to write a poem in the style of ee cummings. i haven't written a poem in two and half years, so this was a random stab in the dark. here it is:

without

without the sun or each whisk of air,
i'm undone, sitting, wishing, for one who is fair

without blood in my veins or each smile on faces
i'm still looking at my chains from different places

without a new day or each hour drawing me closer to infinity
i'm the same today, reminds me of my purpose,

oh holy trinity.

Three Years Ago..

2008-10-09T16:30:00.003-07:00

As a writer, one of my biggest areas of struggle and frustration is, the opening lines of whatever I write. I’ve heard it said in my English courses in college that if you cannot grab the attention of your reader in your first couple of lines, they will not continue on with your piece of writing. That being said, my introduction is difficult to write because of the weight of what I am going to write about because of the tears of joy and sadness that have come forth from my eyes about this subject.

Three years ago, I was a nineteen year old boy who was working full time at a certain coffee shop named after a character in Moby Dick in order to help out my family during a financial crisis that had come our way. My older sister was off studying at L’Abri in Switzerland and we had just celebrated our one year anniversary of becoming members of a local church in Gilbert. I, along with many Americans watched the news of the twin hurricanes that had come and destroyed New Orleans. I watched the news with a certain level of interest because two years previously, I had gone to Louisiana to teach a TeenPact state class. Upon returning to Arizona, I had told my family that I would love to return to this state because the people there had given me a level of comfort that I had not experienced anywhere, including my own state. This sense of community will stick with me for the rest of my life.

The Sunday following the news of Katrina’s destruction, our pastor had announced that our church was going to partner with another church to assist with the relief efforts down south. He further announced that we would be having a meeting to discus more specific roles after the service on Sunday and to pray and speak with your family before attending. Since I was the lone representative of my family, I didn’t have anyone to consult; I quickly made my way to the meeting and noticed that I was a boy among men. We received details about the trip, our pastor reminded us again that we should pray and consult our wives before embarking on this adventure. Originally, I had received this time off from work due to a previous engagement, but when I mentioned my new plans to my mother, my manager and the director of the other engagement, I was given yes’s across the board like judges on American Idol. The weeks went by very quickly leading up to my departure, but on October 1^st, 2005, I left my home in Chandler, onto a plane, into an adventure that would stick with me for the rest of my life. As I tried to fall asleep on the airplane, I scribbled down a few thoughts before falling asleep:

medication
it feels like for the last few hours, i've tried to sleep but to avail. the mobsters around me, keep talking outloud, thank you Lord for allowing me to have a row to myself. right now it has been announced that we're starting our decline in height towards our destination of detriot, michigain. earlier in the flight, i was able to roughly see the stars God put the sky. i say roughly because my eye condition and the dark blanket of the cabin lights. my gaze was interrupted due to the pain that lies within my stomach.

this medication the flight attendant gave me tastes like the stuff at dentist offices, they make you gargle for endless centuries or at least your toleration of it continues. oh well, its done its duty and my stomach feels better, but my mind is unable to shut down at the moment.

as the airplane continues its decent, a sermon by Mark Dristoll is ringing in my head. he mentions in the sermon that young boys and young men are fascinated with sporting events but older men are fascinated with war. this is what my mind begins to mediate on while the pink pill is swirling around in my stomach. this journey that brings me back to louisiana, this part of the state that hurricanes have caused destruction and chaos, visually has been compared to the aftermath of a war. because of the danger of the trip, i've been advised not to partake in assistance because its someone else's job. however, the question still lingers, why did i enlist to assist complete strangers in a state far from my own?

could it be for approval from my peers?
fame?
glory?
women? (i know that isn't a possibly, i hope)

the only answer that puts my mind at ease as we begin to taxi the airport, is this. in times of tribulation, everything i hold dearly in life, i count as lost. so that i might follow the Saviour without any distractions this world trys to entice me with. this world has everything for me yet this world has nothing for me.

because where He calls me to follow, i will go.

----

During my week in New Orleans, I saw many things, homes destroyed, personal possessions lost, friendships built and hope displayed. I remember being in amazement at the fact that these families had lost so much but yet their faith in Christ was unshaken. One family stood out to me because even though they had lost the only home that they had known (it was the father’s childhood home), because they still had each other and they still had Jesus, they were not shaken. This made an impact on my young life, as one who held his possessions in high regard.

Now three years later, the church that I came and served is going to be moving into a new building at the beginning of November. It was great seeing these people again during a surprise visit to the area for my birthday this year (thanks to my sister), but looking back, there have been storms to come and test my faith, to see if I truly believe and live if my life is not my own. And if, my hope is in Christ or in anything of my sinful hands. I mentioned at the beginning of this I was a boy, I truly believe that this experience was one that shaped me into a man. Since then, life has not exactly been filled with rainbows and sundrops, but rather storms. They have allowed me to become strong and courageous through failed relationships, a trip to a behavioral health hospital, moving out and living with roommates, attempted courtships, being a full time college student and full time employee, and standing up for Christ in the midst of a dark place. Yet, through my time in Louisiana, the Lord used it to remind me the following verse and how it rings it true, no matter what circumstance comes our way:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”---Lamentations 3:22-24

(if you are interested in reading my initial entry of how the trip three years ago went, I divided it up into three parts:

http://www.xanga.com/PazGL/364067570/item.html (coming home, my first thoughts)

http://www.xanga.com/PazGL/387515419/new-orleans-pt-1.html (part one with pictures)

http://www.xanga.com/PazGL/390618626/new-orleans-trip-part-22.html (part two with no pictures, sort of scattered because I was at a loss of words)

more writing

2008-08-29T17:24:00.004-07:00

back in march, i wrote about how i am a contributor for a blog on fridays. i consider the work that goes on that site some of my best writing, so once again, i'd recommend reading those entries over anything else i have written.

http://limitedhero.blogspot.com/2008/03/some-of-my-stuff.html (part one, for new people to catch up on what they have missed)

http://conversation.acwi-online.org/2008/06/hope-and-wheel-of-fortune.html (thoughts on the subject of hope, while watching wheel of fortune)

http://conversation.acwi-online.org/2008/07/celebrating-faithfulness-over.html(thoughts on the fourth of july, but not exactly ra-ra america)

http://conversation.acwi-online.org/2008/07/faith-and-cell-phones.html (thinking about faith and the missconceptions i used to have and the tale of a missing cell phone)

http://conversation.acwi-online.org/2008/08/thoughts-about-jesus-and-politics.html (thoughts about Jesus and the recent political cycle)

Faith and Cell Phones

2008-07-25T17:54:00.001-07:00

Growing up in the church, there was many concepts that baffled my mind. One of them was the topic of, faith. When I was young, my pastor explained that faith was like someone jumping off a cliff and hoping that something will prevent the jumper from being spread out across the ground below. This analogy stuck with me for the longest time, but when I tried to have faith that was like leaper, nothing happened. Then I read in scripture that many people were commended for their example of faith in Hebrews, but their stories did not seem to match my life. I thought that they must have been given a special dose of faith that would hit me when I became an adult. Now as an adult, I have come to dismiss this analogy of faith. Why? I think that faith is one of the biggest struggles and most vital elements of in our relationship with the Lord of the universe. A search in our bibles find the word come up over four hundred times and we see that our salvation is found through faith alone in Jesus' work on the cross for our sins. However, due to the fact that our society is becoming increasingly bored with the simple and fast-pace has become the only way to live, we lose sight of faith on a daily basis and there is quite a large amount of danger when this happens.

For example, if we look at the activities we engage in the course of a day, each activity involves faith. When we wake up in the morning, we have faith that our house will still be in one piece after the evening, our shower will pour out water, our food has not gone bad, our car will be able to provide transportation, we will still have a job, etc and etc. However, all of these examples of faith are examples of items we can encounter through our five senses and because of our faith in our perception, we believe these all to be trustworthy. My question is, are they? Equally valid is the question, have they always been trustworthy? Many of the inventions we trust on are from the hands and minds of our fellow man, which even though have increased the longevity and joy of our lives, they are pass away one day. It is difficult to imagine a life where we will not have internet capable phones, cars running on gasoline, but we should not keep our faith to the things that we are able to encounter. I'm not suggesting that we drive with our eyes closed our eat bread with mold on it, but I think if our faith is firmly rooted in the one who is not flawed and who is steadfast and true, faith in other items will come.

An example of this is a couple of days ago, I went on a road trip with some friends to Magic Mountain theme park in California. We had a great time riding the roller coasters, building friendships but for one moment I did not enjoy the trip. I had a couple of days earlier lost my cell phone and received a new one right before going on the trip. I was being very careful not to lose it until, one moment I reached to get my phone out and it was no longer there. My first reaction was to panic and search the areas that I was last in and search for my missing phone. After not finding the phone, I began to do something that should have been my first response, I prayed. I thanked the Lord for being faithful and that ultimately, He was the one who provided me a phone to use. I continued to pray and recall to my mind scriptures that were reminders of His faithfulness. The remainder of the day, I constantly reminded myself of these truths as I attempted to enjoy the remainder of the day and when I went to lost and found, I came back to my group of friends without my phone. We prayed again corporately and headed out to dinner. We sat down for dinner and one of my friends who called my phone hourly, received a phone call from my lost phone! Someone had found my phone and we made arrangements to pick up my lost phone.

Many times, this is how faith comes out in our lives, when we are deeply troubled and things seem to crash down before us, we pray to the Lord and remind ourselves of truth. I'm not saying that this is a wrong response, but I believe that this response should be ours in the seasons of life that are filled with joy, not just the ones filled with pain. It is difficult to have faith, but the more we remind ourselves of the Lord's continual faithfulness, the more we will be able to stand strong in the good seasons and the bad seasons of life. Look at the life of Abraham, he was praised for his faith, he left his hometown, he continued to trust God in the midst of trials and God was faithful. Not because of any of the works of Abraham, but because God's character is filled with steadfast love and faithfulness. If he wasn't steadfast or faithful, we would still have to work to obtain our salvation, but He was and we are able to trust Him because He ultimately gave us our greatest need in life, Jesus Christ. How much more can He assist us when we wonder how we will pay the bills next month, when we will find a spouse, what we'll do when we complete college.

It is difficult to trust someone or something we do not see, but let us take comfort in the following truth, "..in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him." (Hebrews 2:8) There is nothing outside of his rule, no elected official will surprise His sovereign rule, the fact that man rebelled against Him or that His son was used as a sacrifice for His people, nothing is outside of His jurisdiction or control.

Take comfort in this brothers and sisters, He was steadfast so that we didn't have to be and He will continue to be steadfast, even when we are faithless. Let us not look at faith as blindly jumping off a cliff, but let us trust the Lord through good times and bad ones we will encounter. Take greater comfort that there will come a day that we will be with Him forever in heaven and we will no longer need faith!

Summer Books

2008-07-12T14:57:00.002-07:00

There are many activities associated with the summer. Longer days, weather becoming increasingly hot, going vacations to visit family and friends, eating watermelon, watching fireworks, but I think there is one missing. Reading books. Since learning how to read at a young age, I have loved reading. Of course, there are topics that I enjoy reading over others. For instance, as a child I loved reading the World Almanac series and sports statistics books, but now as an a college student I've enjoyed a different series of books. One of my problems with attending college is that you can never find enough time to read the books you want to read. Well it can be done, but I don't like running around on limited sleep. So, I've collected some of the books I've been meaning to read and decided to read all of them before I go back to school in August.

Here's my list:

Dale Carnegie's Lifetime Plan For Success: (How To Win Friends and Influence People & How To Stop Worrying and Start Living)

These books have always been in my shelf but I have never finished each of them. A couple of weeks ago, I found both books in a single volume on sale for 8 dollars, so I am going to knock two birds out with one stone.

Letters of Charles Haddon Spuregon
I've re-discoverd my love for Spuregon this year and I enjoy reading books that show the humanity side of heroes of mine.

God is the Gospel, John Piper
I have not finished this wonderful book since I bought it during the five dollar sale DG had last year. What a great guide into understanding the implications of the gospel message!

Martin Luther: A Guided Tour Through His Life and Thought, Stephen J.Nichols
Luther has always been someone I have admired, but I sadly have not known that much information about him. This book has proved to be a great insight into one of my top five theologians.

On The Edge of The Dark Sea of Darkness, Andrew Peterson
Andrew Peterson is a great singer-songwriter, he has now decided to write a children's novel. Made up words, wit, and great story-telling is waiting to be read!

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
I have set up one of my goals for this year to grow in loving and serving people. Not just those whom I am comfortable with, but all people. This book was recommended to me by someone who lives an example in my life as one who loves and serves people genuinely.

The Middle Mind: Why Americans Don't Think For Themselves, Curtis White
I was fascinated by this book's title, so I purchased it. It was in the one dollar section of the grocery store. I always feel bad for authors whose works have found their home in this untimely section of society.

Bring Your Vision To Life, Ralph McCall
My sister brought me this book from Swizerland and she claimed it was very helpful. I want to grow in becoming a man of vision and this seems to be a tool that will help me grow in this area.

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, Anne Lamott
Once again, this is one of my sister's books. It looked like a fun read, anytime anyone is looking at religon from the outside, it is a fun adventure.

God's Politics, Jim Wallis
It's election year, I'm no longer a Republican nor have I become a Democrat. However, I think this book advocates some thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for awhile. Plus, this book supposedly served as a a launching point for many of the ideas Derek Webb put down for the Mockingbird/Ringing Bell albums.

The Spiritual Gift of Discernment, Tim Challies
A blogger from Canada writing about discernment, I have enjoyed reading his blog for some time now and I have read many good reviews of this book. Plus, I desire to grow in discernment.

Dedication and Leadership, Douglas Hyde
This book was given to me at TeenPact many moons ago. "A former communist leader becomes a Christian and tells how to become a better leader." --what they told me. Cynicism aside, I am wanting to grow in leading, so this might provide insight.

John Newton: From Disgrace To Amazing Grace, Jonathan Atiken
I remember hearing an episode of the radio show, Adventures in Odyssey about the man who wrote the hymn, Amazing Grace and how God miraculously worked in his life.

Hunger for God: Desiring God Through Fasting and Prayer, John Piper
I have always been mystified by the whole concept of fasting, it is my hope that this books sheds light into it..

That's my list, what are you reading?

tree+art

2008-07-08T22:38:00.006-07:00

i am in the process of organizing, cleaning and throwing away many of the clutter in my room. i came across some paint that i haven't used in a couple of years and a piece of cardboard. i immediately stopped and headed outside with the paint and cardboard, in pursuit of creating something. no idea what, but that was okay.

i thought about creating a piece, that expresses the ability to have hope in dark seasons of doubt. another idea came into my head about creating something to do with the misconceptions i have had about love. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/warriorofpeace/2651375261/ -me painting)

finally, i figured out what i wanted to do:

i made a tree.

trees have always been a love of mine, but this tree was different. i've been thinking alot lately that like it or not, our sin and our goodness that rages on inside of our souls define our lives one way or another. so, what i tried to display with this art piece was how both the good experiences and the painful ones are like roots in our personality.

so the tree is me. (close up of tree, http://www.flickr.com/photos/warriorofpeace/2651375321/

the dark circle is my painful memories and sinful ones.. ranging from ones i have wanted to forget but the ones that constantly come into my mind http://www.flickr.com/photos/warriorofpeace/2652201440/

the green orb simply says this in the center, "Christ died for ALL of my sins" representing the good that we have in our life, we have because Christ coming and redeeming us from the clutches of sin and death. and now that we have the Holy Spirit indwelling within us, we can do good. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/warriorofpeace/2651375363/)

thoughts?

Celebrating Faithfulness Over Independence

2008-07-04T00:58:00.002-07:00

I squinted at the clock, it was only 8 am but it felt much earlier due to the lack of sleep I had received the night before. My roommate and I were driving to church and it seemed like the Sunday was like the Sundays that preceded this one. However, we were listening to Christian radio which we have not done before. As someone who was born and raised in the church, I have grown to dislike the Christian culture that is in America. But that's for another topic for another time. My roommate on the other hand, had not been raised in a Christian home and God regenerated his heart two years ago. It's been encouraging to see that he not become cynical or jaded towards the Christian movement like I have. The radio show we were listening to was conducting an interview with an author of a book who was claiming that America was going down in flames and it could be prevented by people falling on their knees and pleading with the Lord for America but also repenting for their sins.

As much as I tried to forget about this author's passionate plea, I think he raised some valid points but overall, I believe he is wrong. And today of all days, illustrates why I believe this author has missed the point. Today, we are going to be celebrating the two hundred and thirty-fourth celebration of America's independence from Great Britain. it is a day filled with watermelon, fireworks but more importantly, expressing our gratefulness to our Creator for allowing us to be free. I think that this last point can be missed in the joy of the holiday. There are many gifts that God has given to our country that we take for granted on a daily basis, we must remember that it is God who has given them to us. However, our country is constantly changing, with this change comes new struggles. I don't think they are new for humanity but I think they are struggles that have always been prevalent in society, the problem is that all men, women and children have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

If we were to look back in history, we can see that history tends to repeat itself. Almost like a record player that is broken and is repeating a section of a song over and over again. Man continues to sin could be this song, but I think there's more to it. Man continues to sin but God is faithful and continues to open the hearts of sinful man. Ultimately, we will never create a depravity void society, because we are all decedents of Adam. We cannot change God's mind or will, because we are not God! One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis is the following, "I don't pray because it changes God, I pray because it changes me." God is not one who is distant or far off, He is active and continues to work in the lives of people across our world, not just in America. I am sad that this author was met with resounding approval from the talk show hosts, because I think this author as well intention he might be, is preaching the wrong message to people following Christ. It was Christ himself who told His first followers, "In this world you will have trials, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Jesus has met our greatest need in this life which wasn't solving world peace, establishing the definition of marriage, stopping unborn children from being murdered, all of these are noble things but He came to save sinners.

It is difficult to recall the faithfulness of God in our daily lives, because we can lose our gaze from off our perfect Savior and onto our sinful selves. I know, because I struggle with it too. However, I think one of the greatest examples of God's faithfulness is a tree. God who created the tree, knows that in order for a tree to be sustained and continued on with life, the tree must have sunlight and rain. In Arizona, we do not have the rain but we have the sunlight. The sun will continue to shine, until God allows the sun to burn no more. Another way is that in the winter months (to us Arizonans, when it's less than seventy degrees outside) the trees must die in order to live. God is the one who knows this and allows it to happen according to His will.

So when we join our friends and family today, let us gather together and instead of filling up our chests with pride of a love for America, let us recount the faithfulness of our Lord. He is the one who worked on the hearts and minds of our forefathers, giving them the ideals for our country, He is the one who protected us from two world wars. But more importantly, He continues to call men and women to repent from their sins and trust Jesus Christ.

Album Review: The Ill-Tempered Klavier-Ben Shive

2008-06-18T10:59:00.009-07:00

(i've been meaning to write album reviews of some of my favorite albums that i believe are worth listening to. so hopefully, this will be the beginning of something that will continue)

who is ben shive?
a year or so ago, i ventured into the land of myspace in need of finding new music. i stumbled across an artist named ben shive, mostly through one of my favorite artists, andrew peterson's myspace. once i entered ben's myspace and heard the song samples, i was immediately hooked. however, i saw that he did not have a record out. moved by sadness and having to go class, i left ben's myspace page and never ventured again to this page on the internet.

over the course of the year, i found out that ben tours with andrew peterson and helped record andrew peterson's forthcoming record. i spent time laughing at their adventures and still had that longing for ben's record. fast forward to this year, via my google reader i found out a video that the fellow members of the square peg alliance put together and it captured my excitment once again: http://youtube.com/watch?v=51HxHTb1fH0

today Ben Shive's first record comes out and it's one of the best I have heard in a long time. i have encountered much trouble in finding musicians that create music that is original, creative and beautiful. this record is those things and much more.

lyrics: as a songwriter, i appreciate lyrics that are well thought out and are able to capture emotion and truth in a way that paints a picture in the mind of the listener. the lyrics on this album remind me of a father telling stories to his children at bed time. be warned, if you are one of those with weak ears, he uses the word "harlot"

music: you'll hear symphonies gliding along, drums beating, pianos dancing and more. i really cannot describe it fully. it was funny when the record was imported to my itunes, itunes put it as "alternative" but i dont think that does it justice. it's like indie rock/singer-songwriter but it sounds like a missing album from brian wilson.

so go buy this album, it will be the best ten dollars you have used this week and quite possibly the year!

http://www.rabbitroom.com/

click on store and then BEN SHIVE!

New Music.

2008-04-27T19:11:00.003-07:00

I'm always on the lookout for good music, thanks to Pandora, I have some new songs for my ever growing itunes library. Also thanks to my Aunt for providing an itunes gift card as a birthday present. Maybe when the semester concludes, I'll write more about the new music that I am enjoying. Check out my lastfm page (to see what I am listening to on the computer),

here's my newest additions to the library:
(song name, artist, album title)

Capitol Pill La Rocca The Truth
The End of Camelot Peter Cetera Faithfully
My Lord I Did Not Choose You Matthew Smith All I Owe
All I Owe Matthew Smith Even When My Heart Is Breaking
Help My Unbelief Red Mountain Church Help My Unbelief
Weary of Earth, Myself and Sin Red Mountain Church Help My Unbelief
When Will I Run Andrew Osenga Photographs
Circus On The Moon Bruce Hornsby Halcyon Days
Aslan Kendall Payne Grown
Jesusland Ben Folds Songs for Silverman
The Luckiest Ben Folds Rockin' the Suburbs
I'm Nowhere and You're Everything Chris Thile Deceiver
Daisies and Poppies Wil Maring The Turning of a Century
Beautiful Love The Afters Beautiful Love - Single

some of my stuff..

2008-03-28T00:11:00.007-07:00

i am currently contributing on friday's on this blog, check it out: http://conversation.acwi-online.org/

articles so far written:
"freedom from the land of make-believe"
(a honest look at stereotyping)
"and now for something completely different"
(a plea at looking at the gospel once again)

"speaking loudly and truthfully to ourselves"
(the importance of speaking truth to our souls instead of listening to our souls)

"the separation"
(an answer to the ageless discussion of separating our "sunday" self from our weekly self)
"loving God"
(one of the hardest articles i have written, about the love of God)

"love your neighbor and plant a tree"
(looking at the implications of loving our neighbor)

"searching for men"
(a collection of thoughts on biblical manhood)

"stimulus and pleasure"
(thoughts on money and the recent refund from the government)

"generations and landmarks"
thinking about landmarks, generations and eternity.

"fresh set of eyes and fathers"

reflections on fathers day and creation

feel free to disagree and throw tomatoes at me.

beautiful impermanence: Embarrassing Childhood Photos

2008-03-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

beautiful impermanence: Embarrassing Childhood Photos

from my sister's blog. a side of paz that i tried to forget..and yet still is very much apart of me.

from my written journal

2008-02-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

(written last night, but still thinking it over, as i am trying to find some room to breathe and think through out these last couple of weeks as they have been rough. yet i was able to write the following and actually mean what i wrote)

2/11/08
11pm
home

"give thanks to the LORD,
for he is good,
for his love endures forever"--psalm 136:1

j an reminded of that verse each day as it is displayed on the bathroom calendar's verse of the month for february. four days from today i will be twenty-two. earlier today, i joked around with luz that i still look sixteen. she reminded me that i no longer resemble someone whose mother still dresses them. rather, i look my age. still, i am in a constant sate of amazement of what has happened to me over the course of the last twenty two years. i looked up at the half moon and all of the stars scattered across the universe tonight. as smoke rises from my pipe and to the sky above, a thought entered in my mind. they are the same stars and moon that have illuminated the skies for all of time, my lifetime and the one in the past. what caused them to hang there? what makes them burn brightly? even though i go through many changes, what makes them unchanged?

HIM

he gave the moon brightness
his fingers flung a cosmic mess
called stars and galaxies
that is isnt all we can see
we only see birthdays and dates on a page
like animals restless in a cage
what calms the storm
and gives peace to the torn

his name is Jesus
creator of the lion and man
king of all, big and small
full of grace and truth
lover of sinners
redeemer of rebels
so distant in His heavenly home,
yet He still calls me friend

ive never seen his face
but i've been given his grace
in the times of joy
when i was a boy
now as a weary man
on Christ, i'll stand
on the solid rock that is
the great I AM, my ship is at dock
even though i was one to mock
his great name, his love came for me
even when i could not see

is he far from me
no i can clearly see
from the rising to the setting sun
For He is good
His love endures forever.

politics, the elephant, the donkey and me.

2008-02-02T10:24:00.001-07:00

I mentioned a couple of months ago, that I was distancing myself from the whole political arena. well, i still don't have the full one hundred percent zeal i had, but i do have some thoughts on the matter

as a registured indepentant, i cant vote on tuesday but here are my thoughts:
gop
I'll admit I like watch to Huckabee in debates, but on issues, I tend to distance myself from him. He kind of scares me with his far fetched ideas. Rommey, the whole mormon becoming president isn't a factor for me, but this guy reminds me of a used car salesman. i think he did handle business situations well but the job of president of the united states is not like a business. McCain is my gop favorite because, he is conservative, maybe not ultra conservative but he is a conservative who does not change his ideals as time goes on. He is also committed to working on both sides of the asle, polling numbers have been displayed that whoever is elected on in the oval office will be working with a democratic congress. Playing together is something the president will have to do and McCain has done it. But also, from the mutiple poll data I have read, McCain is the only gop candidate that could beat either hillary or obama.

my gop pick: mccain.

on the democratic side, hillary and obama. i find it funny that nobody calls obama by his first name. that aside, i think the democrats have a strong chance of being elected in the white house. however, i think it is good to weight both politcal parties before jumping on the bandwagon on any particular candidate.

hillary: before i get hazed for saything this, keep this thought in mind: we have to be mindful of our allies. right now alot of countries dispise us, which doesn't bother me, but as a man who wants to protect his family from the possiblity of a terroist attack, having a female in office, not good idea. we have to think of the effects this could have on our middle eastern allies although she does have a strong foreign policy but we must think through.

obama: maybe why we call him obama instead of barrack, is it reminds us of iraq. either way, i like this kid, his wisdom but also his ability to stir up a crowd and protray hope. we are looking for a candidate that unites our country and even though i may not agree with most of his policies, i think that he could do a good job bringing the usa back to the UNITED states of america. however his lack of experience does scream loudly to me and the voice of my ultra conservative breathen saying he's the anti-christ screams in my ears too.

my dnc pick: obama

i think we as christians cannot let this election go by because we don't find a candidate who matches up clearly with our platforms. in fact, i was talking with a friend of mine who recalled the '96 election and when james dobson told everyone not to vote because bob dole wasn't conservative enough. then what happened? we got bill clinton. both were not ideal but one could have done a better job than the other.

so let's not do that again. but my main overarching idea comes fromt the pen of Al Mohler, which i think is something we need to keep in mind:

"The rhetoric of the race -- and the rhetoric of many evangelicals -- is disturbing. This race is important and necessarily so. We are talking about the next President of the United States, after all. But evangelicals have invested far too much hope in the political process. No government can make people good, transform humanity, or eliminate sin. The political sphere is important, but never ultimate. Jesus Christ is Lord -- and He will be Lord regardless of who sits in the Oval Office."

thoughts?

goodbye and hello

2008-01-01T10:26:00.001-07:00

it is always difficult to sum up an entire year.

it is even more difficult remembering the memories that made the year, filled with bliss, tears and growing up.

at this current moment, i am getting ready to leave for a week to the far off land of pennsylvania to visit some friends of mine. i will be leaving my home of arizona at 12:50am tonight and arriving in pa around breakfast time.

this is a well needed break, but there is a purpose in mind. in many ways i speak about how God has called me to be a biblical man but i lack in the vision to get to that point.

two thousand eight is a big year, we will elect a president, i will be twenty-two, i start studing at arizona state u., i am prayfully considering a change in relationship status, i'm in a wedding, and overall, i am daily trying to bring glory through word and deed to my saviour, redeemer and friend, Jesus.

so i leave, not a bitter note. on the contray, i can say that despite all the crap that went down in '07, it was one of the best that God has given me.

when i say to many of you that it was been a blessing to share life with you in the past year, i firmly hold on to the love that we have in Christ. but also the community that is evergrowing in our tiny church. thank you for sharing this year with me, i have seen the love of our Lord gushing from each one of your lives.

as i depart, please keep in your prayers as i write out goals, visions, plans, etc for 2008 but also read many books. as i was explaining to a friend of mine:

"Anna: ... the list?
me: recovering biblical manhood and womanhood: piper, grudemthe exemplary husband, study guide: stuart scottdiscovering the will of God-sinclair fergusonthe protestant faith: george forellcs lewis on love: cs lewisthe roots of endurance (lives of newton, charles simeon, wilberforce)point man, how a man can lead his family: farrarrelationships, a mess worth making: paul trippspritual disciplines for the christian life/study guidehunger for God, desiring god through fasting and prayer: piper
4:33 PM Anna: hmm, good and heavy/deep list
is your plan to finish all these during your time in Philly?
4:34 PM me: sort of.
i am gathering suffient amount of information and wisdom from these men in order to help me cast a vision for 08 and beyond."

i am leaving, with a heart and mind prepared for change. for better and for worse.

to the glory of God, alone.

i think this poem sums up the thoughts swirling around in my head about '07 but also '08:

my goal is God himself, not joy, nor peace;
nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
'tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His
at any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,
and love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
upheld by Him, my soul is following hard
till God hath fullfiled my deepest prayer.

No matter if the way be sometimes dark,
no matter though the cost be oft-times great,
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark;
the way that leads to Him must needs be strait.

One thing i know, i cannot say Him nay;
one thing i do, i press towards my Lord;
my God, my glory here, from day to day,
and in the glory there my great Reward.
---F. Brook.

your friend filled with love and grace,

paz

finals

2007-12-11T10:27:00.001-07:00

I have been meaning to write this for awhile, but fear of man and studying for the dreaded finals has prevented me, until now.

As college students, but also people, we are prone to worry. In fact this week exemplifies the worry that we all encounter due to our finals. In some ways, I think that even though we might be confident in any type of preparation or not stressing because of it being a small assignment, we can lose focus. We take all of our attention and focus inward instead of focusing on the One without worry.

When I see images like this one, it reminds me of the concept of hope. That even though there are times when I cannot see the blue sky, I still believe in it's existence. I like how this author explained it:

"I believe in the sun
even when
it is not shining

I believe in love
even when
I cannot feel it

I believe in God
even when
He is silent"

However, living the truth out that our faith and hope depends fully on Christ is very difficult. I was explaining it to a coworker last night that I can only can comfort realizing that God does work all things together for good but also realizing that nothing shall separate me from His love. Living that truth, for me, is difficult as I can think due to worrying that there might be something, but in reality there is nothing that shall seperate me from His love.

Let the following quotes by John Piper point you back to what is truly important (as it did with me):

"Let it hit you, brothers: God – the God in whose name this conference gathers – never had a beginning. God never had a beginning! "I AM has sent me to you. " And the one who never had a beginning, but always was and is and will be, defines all things. Whether we want him to be there or not, he is there. We do not negotiate what we want for reality. God defines reality. When we come into existence, we stand before a God who made us and owns us. We have absolutely no choice in this matter. We do not choose to be. And when we are, we do not choose that God be. No ranting and raving, no sophisticated doubt or skepticism, has any effect on the existence of God. He simply and absolutely is. "Tell them I AM has sent you."

If we don't like it, we can change, for our joy, or we can resist, to our destruction. But one thing remains absolutely unassailed. God is. He was there before we came. He will be there when we are gone. And therefore, what matters in ministry. above all things, is this God. I cannot escape the simple and obvious truth that God must be the main thing in ministry. Ministry has to do with God because life has to do with God, and life has to do with God because all the universe has to do with God, and the universe has to do with God because every atom and every emotion and every soul of every angelic, demonic and human being belongs to God, who absolutely is. He created all that is, he sustains everything in being, he directs the course of all events, because "from him and through him and to him are all things, to him be glory [in our ministries!] forever" (Romans 11:36). "--from The Divine Majesty of the Word (http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Biographies/1471_The_Divine_Majesty_of_the_Word/)

"When huge pain comes into your life—like divorce, or the loss of a precious family member, or the dream of wholeness shattered—it is good to have a few things settled with God ahead of time. The reason for this is not because it makes grieving easy, but because it gives focus and boundaries for the pain.

Being confident in God does not make the pain less deep, but less broad. If some things are settled with God, there are boundaries around the field of pain. In fact, by being focused and bounded, the pain of loss may go deeper—as a river with banks runs deeper than a flood plain. But with God in his firm and proper place, the pain need not spread out into the endless spaces of ultimate meaning. This is a great blessing, though at the time it may simply feel no more tender than a brick wall. But what a precious wall it is! "--When Satan Hurts Christ's People (http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2007/2525_When_Satan_Hurts_Christs_People/)

Brothers and Sisters, as we press on to finals and a long awaited break, let us not lose focus and gaze at ourselves and our own abilities, instead let us look to our Father who has given us His son, He has given us the Holy Spirit for comfort and ultimately, He has given us grace to continue on even in a day filled with worry.

I love you all and will be praying for you this week,

paz

The Farmer and Pig

2007-01-31T11:49:00.000-07:00

(What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.)

Once upon a time there once was a farm. At this particular farm, there was a great Farmer. He woke up every morning to take care of his farm, watering the fields, milking the cows, fixing the old rustic barn and tending to the swine he was given. One day it rained very hard and there were many multiple puddles of mud surrounding to the farm and the farms nearby. The next day following the rain, one of the pigs for sake of this story will be called Marcus. Marcus decided to roll around in the mud and found a great deal of pleasure in this activity. For days he would go into the mud and roll around until he was exhausted and took a rest. On this particular day it was the hottest day that ever was recorded. The mud that was on this pig had tried and the pig became frustrated of the dry mud that was upon him now.

The farmer who was nearby fixing the farm saw that his pigs were not doing so well in the heat. He got out the green hose and washed his pigs down. The pigs gleefully snorted and if these pigs could fly, they would have from the joy they were experiencing. The next day wasn’t as hot as the previous record setting day but it still was quite hot. Marcus not being the smartest pig in the pen, decided to roll around in the mud to ease away his pain of feeling the heat that was upon him but also for the pleasure of the mud splashed upon his pink skin. Marcus was enjoying this moment of pleasure until he started to realize it was getting hotter outside. Marcus hurried to his comfort spot, which was under his feeding drawl. This gave him temporary pleasure until the sun was coming through a crack above poor Marcus’s head.

He wallowed out and let out a big squeal for water. The other pigs joined in agreement and all the pigs in the farm began to let out loud squeals. Some for food, others for shade but others like Marcus to be rid of the dry mud that was hurting his piggish body. The farmer seeing their need brought out the hose and washed them down. Marcus saw the other pigs let out a squeel for joy as their snots were filled with water but he not willingly to accept the Farmer’s gift, and stood back as the other pigs were dancing in the water. Now this if pigs could dance as well. Once the other pigs were drenched in the water and the Farmer began to roll up the green hose, he noticed Marcus off in a corner. He called Marcus’s name, but this was a very prideful and arrogant pig and he ignored the call of his master.

The Farmer being filled with a great love for his pig, he gently kneeled down and petted the creature. Marcus snorted but then looked up and saw the eyes of the Farmer; he could see the look of love in the Farmer’s eyes. His vision was blurred slightly because of the dry mud covering his eyes but he could still make out the sight of the farmer. The farmer saw the dry mud on Marcus’s eyes and spat saliva into both of his hands. With his salivated hands he rubbed them against Marcus’s eyes and this allowed the swine to see. Then the Farmer took the hose and washed down his beloved pig. Each day Marcus would remember the kindness that was shown to him by the Farmer, but he still would seek his pleasure from the mud. But he noticed once the pleasure of playing in the mud stopped, and he lay down in the middle of the pigpen, the Farmer still lovingly came by and washed him clean. This dumfounded him, of why the Farmer still washed him clean.

This is of course if pigs can comprehend love, or be dumbfounded.

I'm a Christ Follower (Mac vs. PC Parody) Part 01

2007-01-27T12:45:00.000-07:00


Community Christian Church Series Video: a parody of the Mac vs. PC commercials to introduce the series "Christian No More." Produced by Community Christian Church. www.communitychristian.org This is very eye opening and yet, convicting. Are you a Christian or Christ follower?

kids

2006-10-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward" (Psalm 127:3).

recently i have rediscovered my love of children, through many events at church and conversations i have had with friends of mine.
it makes me sad when on myspace, people write that they do not want children but i am firmly confident that i will want children, hopefully my wife will think the same.

when i was a younger boy since my older sister didn't play with me, i played by myself. i used to play in the cannels and sewer drains with my imaginary family. i did this from the time i was three until i was about ten. my invisible wife's name was "beauitful", my children's names were david and my daughter's name was shai. i dont know where i got my daughter's name from but i know that david came from my favorite biblical hero.

so growing up, i enjoyed playing with children and for the most part they enjoyed playing with me. i think it is because my imagination is still vivid and that i still can keep up with their youthful spirits. recently, when i went on the hiking trip to strawberry, i went exploring with one of the ladies of the group. we went exploring at a different part of the camp, climbed over bushes, waited in a glassy green stream (it was like the sea from the old bbc voyage of the dawn treader video), trying to find a way to cross the stream. all the way talking, joking, exploring. it was great, regaining memories that i had when i was a boy when i went exploring alone. then on our way back to the others, we went through thorn bushes, rather i went ahead in the thorn bushes so she would not have any cuts or bruises on her, in the process i sacrificed my leg which has multiple scars but it was worth it. once we had cleared out the bushes and was walking back on the trail, she remarked to me that she can tell that i will make a good father because my kids will enjoy playing with me.

that comment stood out in my mind the rest of the weekend. i know that others have pointed out because i enjoy playing with children and that we all have a good time (the children and i) that i will make a good father, that my fathering style resembles my fictional hero, guido from life is beautiful. but i am overwhelmed at the fact that there will be more to fathering than just playing with them. there will be the responsibilities of clothing them, giving them food, disciplining them, raising them in the fear of the Lord, etc. all of these make me grateful that i have experienced such grace from my heavenly father.

on sunday, i played with my senior pastor's son and his young cousin as well. we played imaginary sports since we didn't have sporting equipment. we started out playing soccer, then we moved to football, then we played basketball with me being the hoop. then we moved on sports that were quite different. we started to play ice hockey, then we moved on to curling, bobsledding, cross country ski-ing. this put a smile on my face because we were having so much fun pretending we were a bobsled team and seeing them copy my ski-ing/bobsled motions. then once we were done playing sports we decided to go camping. we had our own imaginary fire, roasting imaginary marshmallows, then looking up at the "sky" (the rafters above) and seeing the "stars" (the lights). then we were done with our camping adventure and then it was time to go on an african safari. we walked all along the jungle with our binoculars, looking at animals and keeping our voices quiet. we did this for awhile until it was time for them to go. overall, this was a great experience and workout!

on monday, i was reminded of the adventures i had when i was a boy. as i was walking to the bus stop before heading over to church, i saw a group of boys playing with sticks as swords. its great to see that the universal idea of boys turning sticks into violent weapons continue. i hope that my boys use them as well. then i had another great reminded of what is to come. i was serving in the children's ministry during life101 at church. one child asked me, "mister paz, what's your wife's name?". without missing a beat, i replied, "mrs. galusha-luna". he was satisfied with my answer and went back to playing. i look forward to those days, when my sons and daughters ask me questions about everything.

the irony of all of this, is that i look back and i know that my father has not been a prime example of what a godly father looks like. my memories of him are coming home and watching tv until he went to bed. smoking outside, making grapefruit juice with some herbal stuff, always making oatmeal every morning, raising his voice and yelling at my mother, my sister and i. he never taught me how to play baseball, about the Lord, about girls, etc. but i am so grateful that every void that my father has left in my life, my heavenly Father has filled exceedingly and He has brought men into my life to help me along the way to make me a godly man.

an incredible night.

2006-10-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ishwar kaa avataar bhayo tum, paapin hit balidaan ho
Dharam aatma mun par daalo, he Prabhu Karunaa Nidhaan
Nishchay ho tum sabke Ishwar, sab jag jan ke Swaami ho
Man avagun te mohi bachao, he Prabhu Antaryaami
He He Prabhu, jag kartaar, mohe apne hi prem se bhar de
Mohe apne hi rang mein rang de, mohe apne hi prem se bhar de
Prem se chora swarg sinhaasan, prem se karli manushya deh dhaaran
Tum hi ho sat awataar re
Andhak nain di, koran, kaaya, murdon ko bhi tum ne jilaaya
Leelaa tumhaari apaar re
Prem hamein bhi karnaa sikhaa do, aisee raha pe chalnaa sikhaado
Binti karat hai bhaar bhaar re

looking at these words, it may look like gibberish or some foreign language. believe me when i say this, those words are some of the most beautiful i have ever heard. what exactly do those words say and what does a skinned knee have to do with it? read on..

saturday night i got home from work, exhausted and ready for whatever saturday would bring. i was excited that Dane Cook was hosting SNL, I thought this would be an relaxing evening, catching up on homework, watching tv, but The Lord had a different idea.

awhile ago i heard of a group of (now grown up) missionary kids from india performing music. i thought that it was really interesting since neither one of them was indian. i found it more fascinating that their words were very good, better than most christian artists. i remember thinking that it would be cool to see them perform but i checked their tour schedule and they weren't performing in arizona much to my disappointment. and like most bands i get excited about, they disappeared from off my radar until one day. emily and i were talking about music, poetry, life and the etc that makes for interesting conversation. she mentioned that the same guys were going to be in arizona this weekend. i hurried over to the webpage and much to my joy, they were performing a mere ten minutes from my humble abode. i rapidly sent out an email to some of the college group folks with the hope of getting a group together to see them play. fast forward to saturday...

when i got home from work, one person replied that she had to go a wedding and another was interested but needed more info. depressed, because it looked like nobody wanted to go, i began programming my television for my evening of television. until i received an instant message. andrew told me that he was thinking about going, and i asked if i could tag along since my only transportation was my own two feet. he replied that it would be fine and he would pick me up around eight. even though the concert started at six, he believed it would still be going on. i canceled the programming on my tv, and got ready for the concert.

andrew came by, i ran outside to his car and in my attempt of speed and hurry-ness, i fell. not the type of laughter or joy, more like embarrassment and pain. i'm sure that andrew got a good chuckle out of it, but when i got into the car i had a huge chunk of my knee's skin torn. thankfully, there wasn't any blood but it hurt like hell. we proceeded to follow the directions from google maps and got lost. now this time, it wasn't paz's fault or andrew's, but google's. we drove around for a good 45 minutes because it said we were suppose to turn left at a street that didn't exist. so we called jeff and he was able to steer us to the right home.

we got out of the car and hobbled (me) and walked to the home. the front door was wide open as there were christmas lights outside, shoes on the ground. upon entering the home, all the eyes of the concert goers fell on us. because the majority of the audience was indian and we were the only white people there with the exception of the musicans and the mistress of the home. everyone was sitting down on the floor of the living room, while the guys were siting in the dinning room. it was really cool, very intimate and awesome.

the music was phenomenal. there was a bass player, a violin (we think) player, the sitar player, acoustic guitar player and a percussionist. we only got the last four songs of the set but it was worth it. as i closed my eyes and allowed my imagination to wander, it was beautiful. feeling calm and relaxed as the musicians played. even though andrew and i felt like a minority among these people, we experienced such unity. the songs were about the same jesus we serve and love. they were singing songs about/to him in a different way. that was the main thing i took from this concert.

after the concert had ended around 930 or so, it was time for dinner! people began shuffling out of the home to the backyard where there was food for the people. andrew joined the masses after buying a cd and i stuck around with the hopes of talking to the guys because during the music, the Lord told me to walk up to them and ask how i could pray for them. i waited and was able to talk to both men. first the sitar player and i made small talk about how i heard about them, and having a good laugh about that. then he was pulled away from our conversation by another individual and the acoustic guitar player came by and we talked. what i had expected to be a five to ten minute conversation turned into a full two and half hours. we talked about everything from how they started playing together, american religion, india, the gospel and that was just some of the topics! we both walked outside to get some of the fine homemade indian cuisine and continue our conversation. we joined poor andrew who was sitting on the end of a couch with a group of indian people. the three of us talked until it was time for andrew and i to depart.

there is alot we can learn from these men, who are going places and doing things we cannot comprehend. the humility and love of the fellow man was amazing. pray for them as they travel to virgina and england. also pray that they continue to be bold in sharing the gospel message and they are not fearful of that. overall, i left the concert with a renewed sense of joy in my Lord and gratefulness for Peter (the acoustic gutiar guy) to speak to me. i cant wait to share eternity with these men and see them again soon.

the next time i hope that i dont scrap up my knee again. :) check out their website and listen to their songs! http://www.aradhnamusic.com

oh here is the translation of the song i posted at the beginning of this entry:

You are the incarnation of God, the sacrifice for sinners
Put your Spirit over me, O Lord of mercy
You are the Lord of all, the Lord of the World
If there is anything unpleasing within me
Cleanse me from it, all-knowing Father
O Lord, Master of all things, fill me with your love
Mold me in your likeness; fill me with your love
O Lord, Master of all things, fill me with your love
You left your throne in heaven because of your love for me
You became a man; you are the True Incarnation
O Lord, Master of all things, fill me with your love
You healed eyes of the blind; the shadow of the leper you made whole
You even raised the dead; Your ways are too great for me to understand
O Lord, Master of all things, fill me with your love
Teach us how to love, teach us to walk in these ways
I always pray, O Lord, Master of all things, fill me with your love

Old Stories

2006-04-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

my sister has returned from her tenure at L'Abri in Switzerland. It is amazing to see how much she's changed since she left. Yesterday it was good having her along with my mom accompany me on a warm sunday. as soon as we entered our church's newly built glass doors, people swarmed my ladies for hugs and "how have you been" "i've missed you". i don't want to ruin the moment but once i got my bulletin from the usher, i came to the realization that..

i am old.

our church is mostly made up of families and singles. but i would say roughly 90% of the church body is a family with a mom, dad and brothers and sisters running around the building. one such family is one from the neighboring town of my hometown. we've known them for a long time, and today my realization of becoming old hit me. when i was teaching their ten year old son (whom i held as a baby) how to box. as he threw his fists into my hands and told me about his admiration of the color pink, my brief life flashed before my eyes.

memories ranging from when running around with my sister in our old house, having stories read to me, learning how to read, pretending that i was either peter from narnia or bert from mary poppins, playing basketball in the front yard, doing speed math problems, crying after not getting my way, throwing tantrums during school, overcoming stage fright for a production either at church or in the summer plays and the ones i wanted to forget.

when my parents would argue into the night, when i wanted to run away from home (and only got as far three houses down) or not getting invited to a birthday party. then memories of my recent rough season of life where i was confused and not making sense. these memories are ones i try and suppress but with each coming day, small glimpses come into my mind at various moments.

each day old memories are being replaced with new ones. i am grateful that the Lord has sustained my memory and allowed me to remember most people and events. one day at work, a group of teenagers were waiting outside to be seated and i called out their group to come inside. one of the teens waved at me from a far and called out my name. I thought nothing of it and when they came inside the same teenage asked me how i was doing by name. i didn't recognize him at first but after i handed him his menu it was clear i knew him from somewhere before. we had played soccer with each other seven years ago. that's just one example but i am sure there will be more.

because of my recent experience telling stores, i've started to think of what books will i read to my children when i am a father. i know i don't plan to read them affections by edwards but what books do i want their imaginations to soar off? or will i revamp older fables and fairy tales to make the story seem more realistic. i know some of my childhood favorites were fairy tales by grimm and christian anderson. i also enjoyed the tales of a stuffed bear with overalls and a lion named aslan. at my job i've had the opportunity to tell stories to two sets of kids at different times during my time at work. the first one was a brother and his younger sister whose parents were at the bar, consuming alcohol and the kids were bored and in need of something to do. so i made up a story about children looking for answers in a world void of color. once my story was complete, the young boy fred, told me it was his turn to tell a tale. his tale involved a lepracon who gave coins to bored children who would be transported to the land of the "fairies, lepracons and people who told the truth and were honest" if they so desired. the second story i weaved was for a bigger group of children who were waiting for their parents.

this story involved how our softball trophies were given to us. a man came into the restaurant with a giant appetite but small amount of money. he left saying that he would repay the restaurant with a statute made completely of gold. during one such gold making moment, out of his frustration he threw a small piece of gold into the fire and it took shape. these children were mystified and wanted to hear more but it was time for them to go. i have been told by my co-workers and some online tests that i can be identified as a storyteller.

stories are what draws us out of our own world and into a world were our childlike dreams are reality. i know right now i've grown tired of seeing red stop signs, green grass, white clouds but my imagination has not stopped. i see purple skies, blue trees and signs with wings. may these visions never cease. i remember as a small boy i loved stories with a good ending but now my cynical adult "older" self doesn't know how my story will end.

only time will tell if my tale will end, and they lived happily ever after.

Love Your Neighbor and Plant a Tree

2006-04-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

"btw ur one of my 3 heros. "--jonathan, one of my small group students.
God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees, and flowers, and clouds, and stars. -- Martin Luther

Growing up, there were people I idolized and thought were the best human beings ever to come out of the womb. I admired Kevin Johnson of the Phoenix Suns for his work ethic and Christian faith. I thought the best of Mr. Fred Rodgers because of his integrity and sincerity. And now, when people say that they admire me or think the best of me, I’ve often wondered, why. I’m just like Kevin and Mr. Rodgers and the rest of humanity, born into flesh and bones but prone to sinful tendencies. One of those sinful tendencies that I want to see change in my heart and actions is my attitude towards those whose belief system is different from my own.

At first glance, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal of poking fun at someone else but the root issue is a matter of heart. We are willing to mock and ridicule someone because their ideas are foreign to our own, but what causes us do so? Looking inside my own heart, I know that I can be condescending because I can have the mind set of “I am holier than thou”. But I don’t think that it is my place to say that. What truly bothers me is that we (Christians/Conservatives) are at the forefront of this idea. We like to laugh at liberals, poke fun at fanatics, and we enjoy mockery at the expense of others.

However, my old camp of Christian/Conservativism is not only to one to blame for this action but humanity as a whole. I think GK Chesterton is credited with saying, "The test of a good religion is if you can make fun of it or not". When I was growing up, making fun of someone else's belief or conviction was on a strong taboo. We could fun other ways of having laughter or joy without poking fun at their ideals.

Today in public speaking class I would say that a majority of the time was spent in laughter because of the humorous stories that our teacher told, videos of students attempting to persuade their audience and of course the laughter that is on every man and woman’s voice. The joy got derailed when the topic of teenage driving came up, and I brought up the point that I still have my learner’s permit because I don't see the reason of having a car. A student proceeded to explain to me rather angrily that it is very simple to obtain a license even his sixteen year old sister was able to get hers and why couldn't a twenty year old guy obtain his?

After class my friend Jeff and I were discussing this very topic and we both agreed that the problem doesn't lie inside a building but rather inside the person. If you look at Jeff and I, some might assume that were are complete opposites but in reality we are lot more like than I am with most of my other friends. We both said in varying ways that the problem is that inside each and every person is a sin nature. We are all born with it and the only solution to it is through the blood of Christ. With his act on our behalf, we are able to not be judgmental of other people but do we truly act that way? All of these questions are rhetorical unless someone has an answer for them.

A biblical parable that I enjoyed listening to was the classic tale of the Good Samaritan. We are all familiar with it but now as an adult I’ve started to contemplate the story. How it is truly a shame that the first two men, the priest and Levite ignored him, but the Samaritan (who was despised by the Jewish people) took pity on him and helped him in his time of need. I think the illustration that helped my young mind was the classic McGee and Me video series. When I look out the window of the bus or when I’m riding with someone on to a destination, I’ve started to think, which character can I relate to the most? Could it be the man who was beaten to a bloody pulp, the priest who passed him on the other side of the road?, the Levite who did the same? Or finally the Samaritan who helped him in this crucial moment of life. I always thought that I could be the Samaritan because of the limited goodness that is my being but I think I would be like the first two men. However I know that with time I would become like my hero in the story.

What originally birthed this on my heart and mind was a discussion over the last few weeks with my roommate. I sort of combined my jumbled thoughts on an online discussion board and this is what my entry had said:

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."

I don't want to go into what it means to love God with our heart, soul and mind. but what I've been thinking about lately is what it means to love our neighbor. Because lately, I’ve noticed in my own heart that I enjoy making fun of people whose beliefs are different from my own.

Ranging from the person who believes in new age things to Muslims etc. it can manifest itself in small things even if I see someone who is overweight, wearing a rainbow bracelet or someone who is on the street pushing a shopping cart.

How often do I neglect these verses:Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse--Romans 12:14

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.--Matthew 5:43-45

I know that I want to experience change in this area of my life, do you?I'm going to start praying for those people. that God opens their eyes to the gospel. this verse gives me comfort:He (The Father) causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous

One way I think we can begin to love our neighbor is love those within our community. Aristotle had the perspective that you cannot be fully human if you don't join the community. I’m not saying we should all go down to the town hall of our perspective towns and say “sign me up for the community events”. But look around you, which community are you a member of? For example, me. I am in a community of believers at my church, but my attendance is not enough. I serve when I can and engage many of the people who I interact with. Then I am a member of a community called College, in my classes, the people I talk to in the cafeteria, the people I run into in the breeze ways and in the library. I must say that I don’t interact with many people on the bus but time to time I do talk to the bus driver. Those are just a few of the communities that I am a member of, I’m sure that you can think of more. I am applying this in the area of a friendship I have with a Mormon at school. Even though both of us are good friends, we both know where each other's is coming from. He has invited him to the annual Mormon Easter Pageant and I've accepted this offer. Why? So I can show Christ's love to him.

Something to think about, if you are not a member of a community, you could very well be denying the blessing of the gifts that God has given you to encourage others.

Some of you might be thinking, but why did Paz mention planting a tree? Here’s why. I’ve heard the classic quote of Martin Luther saying that if he found out he was dying the following day, what would he do differently?
His reply wasn’t “and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.”

Luther replied, I would plant a tree. How amazing is that answer! He wouldn't go out and change the world, rather he would plant a tree. An article I read that I find very inspiring was about how songwriter Brian Dorkenson planted trees with his family that matched their personalities. If you want to read the article, here is the link Planting Hope
I’ve started to think that would be a wonderful opportunity for an activity to do with my wife and when we have children, to plant trees with them as well. Oops I let the cat out of the bag, so if my future wife is reading this blog entry, please act surprised when I suggest we do it, okay?

I was talking to Jacob about this topic of community and he posed to me this question and I want to pose it to everyone:

“If these three remain, faith hope and charity, how do we show charity if we're outside of the community?”

I think those who are mentioned in Voice of the Martyr's know first hand what it means to love their neighbor, read about their faith here:
Persecution Blog

swiss adventures

2006-03-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

i made a documentary of my trip to visit my sister at L'Abri in Switzerland.
check it out!
http://www.vidiLife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=871BB784-0C99-4106-A8F7-3 (part one)
http://www.vidiLife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=DDA84736-7E0A-4F59-B086-7 (part two)
http://www.vidiLife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=60D08ECA-2E42-45D7-A7DB-B (part three/ the end)

rain...

2006-03-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

it's been one of those kinds of days and i feel so out of place and i hate everything, everything i hate everything but you--i hate everything but you by derek webb

yesterday afternoon, in between my massive nap time (traveling for 20 hours does that to you) and doing laundry, i embarked on a tiny adventure. i went down to work to see when i was going to be working this week and when i walked outside en route of going back home, it started to rain.
or rather i felt water falling from the sky.
it wasn't much, it was more like a heavy sprinkle. i took off my shoes, and started to..
dance in the rain. how joyful and free i felt, like i was a small child again. singing songs and dancing in puddles. having my giant toes be buried in the mud brought a smile to my face.
for the first time in a long time, i felt joyful.
i hope it rains again.

"If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you."--jesus as recorded in john 15:29

2006-02-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

when we read that section of scripture, what comes to mind? people who laugh when you say your life was purchased by a jewish carpenter two thousand years ago, or relatives who think you're committing intellectual suicide by believing in a literal six day creation tale, or a college professor who thinks jesus was a good moral teacher. for the longest time i didn't fully understand what this meant. i was unaware of the many christians who are killed for the same faith i profess. if they are nort murdered they are thrown into a jail awaiting a trial that may never come. their church building is burned to the ground and what happens to these band of followers? their faith remains stronger despite these hard times.

i remember going to an event hosted by TeenPact and the subject was "preparing for persecution". we were shown how our very brothers and sisters in the Lord were put through many hardships just for professing jesus to the hostile military. my family has a subscription to Voice of the Martyrs magazine and every months i would read about these people. each time i would read about the acts of cruelty to my fellow breathen, i said quietly what can i do for them?

that question nagged me until finally i realized what the best way to help them was simple yet profound. i have decided that starting today i am going to lift them up in prayer, i know that i'll never see their faces in person but i know that we will share eternity together with our living saviour for all of time.

i've also thought, will i ever be persecuted or martyred for my faith some day? well jesus did say the if they persecuted him, then chances are they will do the same to me. so when it comes down it, my life will be filled with heart ache, famine and discouragement. however, because of christ, i am able to say, yes my life is not filled with health, wealth and happiness but the good news of the gospel has set me free. if this news is called good news, then what is holding me back from sharing it?

if you want to read more information about our persecuted brothers and sisters, please go visit the Voice of the Martyr's website at:

VOM's main website URL is: www.persecution.com
and a blog with more info as well: The blog's URL is: www.persecutionblog.com

Searching for Men

2006-02-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

"I may not be the man I want to be, but thank God I'm not the man I used to be!" –

Billy Ray Cyrus from TV program "Doc".

*DISCLAIMER* Paz has not read Bringing Up Boys or Wild At Heart

Looking at out at the world around us, there is many topics floating around different circles. People talk about the latest fashions, the achievements of athletes and the upcoming motion pictures. Nowhere in the topics is the subject of masculinity and why this is important to society. I personally believe that the subject of manhood is misunderstood and under attack in our current world today. I believe this is because our media has portrayed men in a negative and positive light, the rise of feminism, the redefinition of family and generally men don’t understand their role.

Why is this topic important? I’ll agree that there are good examples of men, but with every good example there is a bad one. Each day our fallen world is redefining terms that don’t need to be redefined. It breaks my heart every moment I hear of a father abandoning his children for another woman, a man murders his friend but it also lifts my spirits to see the heroics of my fellow man. Ladies, don’t misunderstand me, I think that if it wasn’t for females, there wouldn’t be any men but here’s my main argument. Men and women are both equal in value in the sight of their Creator. They are both created in the image of God; also they are both co-heirs to the kingdom of their heavenly Father. However, their roles and responsibilities are different. So this topic is important because if the men of this world are just told to either be a raving beast or a sensitive pink shirt wearing male, then manhood will crumble.

Growing up.. I can’t say that I had the best or worst example when it came finding heroes to look up to. I remember some of my earliest heroes in life were Kermit the Frog, biblical heroes like David and Moses, but my father didn’t rank high on the list. Sure our pastor ranked high on my list, along with my scout master but why not the man who named me his son? I still cannot find an answer to this question. My father did model to my young eyes a hard work ethic and someone committed to his family. Even as a young boy when my mother would ask me, what profession I wanted to be when I was older. Without missing a beat I replied that I would be a husband and father. My job to bring food to the table came secondary. I didn’t know why this notion was birthed in my mind at the time but I truly believe that it came from the Lord. I know of some people who are not feeling led in the area of marriage and raising a family, which I believe comes from a conviction of the Lord.

The media… I am not fully sure why the media portrays men differently than women. Yesterday morning as I checked up on the Alito confirmation, the topic of men was all across the headlines. Starting with the announcement of the nomination of this year’s Oscars, many topics of manhood were addressed. The favorite of the critics, Brokeback Mountain was praised but I personally don’t think the topic is something worthy of much praise. Yes I realize homosexuality has taken our culture by storm but this is because men are taught to believe that they are no different from women. So if you like someone of the same gender that is not a problem. Or most come from homes where they were raised by their mothers and their father was absent. Yesterday I also read about the story behind the solider from Iraq with a cigarette that is being hailed as the modern day Marlboro Man. Since that photograph was taken, this young man who is celebrating his twenty first birthday is struggling with post traumatic stress disorder. I admire that man for his service to our country and it breaks my heart to see how the war has affected his mind. Switching gears over to the motion picture arena and it is hard for me to see a good representation of manhood. Men are portrayed as savages, or inferior to women. If you ask a man what his favorite films are, his response will either be a bloody explosive film or an offbeat comedy depending on his age and maturity. Personally my favorite film of all time I believe shows the commitment of a father to his wife and child. Life is Beautiful by Italian filmmaker Roberto Benigni. Yes I realize that the filmmaker made light of the dark period of time but the love he has for his family is commendable. I hope that when I have a family, I will have the same unchanging love for them. Other movies portray men who works 8-5, comes home to his wife and lazy-boy. I wish that there were more movies that portrayed men in the correct light. Another movie I recommend for its portrayal of manhood is Cinderella Man with Russell Crowe. I think I’ll wait until another post to give a full analysis of men in the media.

NOW is today… With the rise of women’s rights organizations, it’s becoming harder to discern if it is a good idea or not. Traditionally, men have provided the bread for their families and are on the leadership teams of their communities, while their wives maintained their homes and was there for their children. I think that men shouldn’t look down upon women and automatically tell them to submit to their own wishes, but some days the husband in order to serve his wife should maybe cook a meal for her or let her take a break from her home and children. Looking at NOW (National Organization For Women)’s bio sheet, they state the following:

“Since its founding in 1966, NOW's goal has been to take action to bring about equality for all women. NOW works to eliminate discrimination and harassment in the workplace, schools, the justice system, and all other sectors of society; secure abortion, birth control and reproductive rights for all women; end all forms of violence against women; eradicate racism, sexism and homophobia; and promote equality and justice in our society.” --http://www.now.org/organization/info.html (with emphasis added)

It looks like they are out on mission to rid the world of men. The part that makes me confused is that they would like to bring equality to all women. Working women, nonworking women, etc. They would like achieve women to dominate the world but this man wonders, is that necessary. Yes I’ll be the first to say that we men haven’t been responsible when it comes to our roles and because of our great grandfather Adam, we along with the rest of humanity are fallen creatures. Its like a wall has gone up because of a idea that us men had and the consequences of that action. The blindness of these women continue on their faq sheet. If you wish to view it, go to http://www.now.org/organization/faq.html. Please keep the ladies in prayer, that God works on the hearts and minds of these women. Because at the moment they are happily blind.

Family for sale… To say that the modern day family isn’t under attack right now would be wrong. People are trying to figure out what it means to be a family. This is a sticky topic to talk about as a single man. Here’s my spin on the whole issue, we all have skeletons in our closets because of our sin nature but even the weakest man can be strong and vice versa. Take for instances , my father. There are characteristics in him that I admire, like his perseverance and hard work ethic. But then there are qualities that I don’t enjoy, his cynic attitude and destruction of ideas. My mother always searched out men that I could surround myself with. I picked up various qualities that I admired and didn’t admire, so when it comes to putting them to practice it will be very interesting. So men, find the qualities you admire most about your fathers or uncles, and don’t admire. Because it will make you stronger if you are able to discern the good from the bad.

Roles or Job? I can’t really say that I know fully what a man’s role in today’s society is. I know for myself my main responsibility is the one of protector and provider for my wife and children. Each one of us has our own spheres of influence and if someone does something to try and cause damage to those inside my sphere, dangerous consequences will occur to that individual. Recently, I was called up by the Arizona National Guard and got engaged into a discussion with the sergeant on the other line. He did his best to convince me to join our armed forces but I kindly declined his offer. Why did I give up an opportunity to serve our nation and protect the country I love? One simple word, perspective. I told the man that I have a deep respect for those who feel lead to serve our military but it wasn’t for me, because my conviction is to protect America from inside America. I respect those of you whom I know who have made the choice to join our military and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your families. So in short, what is man do? Protect and Provide for his family, no matter what the cost.

Concluding Thoughts… I realize that this is a lot to take in on this topic. I am not an expert by no means, I’ve observed a lot of men and taken note of their style of leadership. That’s really my main point to my brothers out there, lead by example and don’t sit on the fence when you are given a responsibility to be a leader. Not everyone is called to go into the political arena or pastoral role, but we are told in scripture to lead our families. This will take time and the input of men who we respect and our wives. By God’s grace we will become stronger leaders and I am so grateful at a second chance of figuring out what it means to be a man. This last week I read an interview with Elie Wisel, who is a humanities professor and holocaust survivor. The interviewer asked him what he believes modern day leaders could learn from Moses. His reply was, “Humility. Everyone needs it but mainly leaders. Because they have power.” Men, our brothers and boys look up to us, if we hide behind the mask of pride and arrogance we are becoming a hypocrite. We will have a chance to leave a legacy for our family, what will yours be? My prayer is that mine will be in the words of Jesus,

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this that someone lays down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.—John 15-12-14 (ESV)

Resources:

What’s the Difference by John Piper.

I have not read this book but from what I have told, it’s a great biblical based book on this very topic.

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood- http://www.cbmw.org

Great resource on all issues on where the roles of men and women in the church today.

New Orleans trip

2005-11-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power,that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God .

-------all photos copyright p.gl. 05-------
journal entries

saturday oct 1st
time: roughly around 11pm
location: inside the airplane before take off

chaos

each time i enter the airport, the only word that comes to my mind about this place of uncertainty and change is not cramped because of my height, nor is it mission field although the Lord does allow times to share the good news happen but the word that comes to mind about the "port of air" is chaos.

driving to the airport controlled chaos is the golden rule of the road. no matter what age, gender or nationality or experience behind the wheel they all come to agreement on one central point. if you are able to control the chaos of your car and nobody disturbs your thinking everything will be a-ok and driving to the airport at nine o'clock on saturday evening is no exception to the rule.

then arriving at the airport and all the functions associated with it, chaos finds its way into passengers in one way or another. for example, as our group of nine men waited patiently for the boarding of the aircraft. a business man who very well could have had a genuine concern for geting on the aircraft began to whine and complain like a seven year old. what was his complaint about? was it food that was to be served on our flight? the coffee stain on his wrinkled shirt? according to this man, the lady who gave him a boarding pass, gave him one, however his name was on it and some other passenger's name was on his paper. he proceeded to argue with the nice lady who was scanning the pieces of paper as he tried to argue in front of this peaceful judge. walking past him, i couldn't help but wonder what posses someone who very well could be a nice guy and turn into a seven year old having a tempter tantrum.

the flight attendant's voice is now on the intercom explaining if danger should come, what we should do. it breaks my heart to notice that people are going about their conversations, ignoring the instructions because they're familiar with them or they aren't concerned with what do to if chaos occurs onboard. i listen with my ears but my heart begins to think, if chaos began to happen on the airplane, who would rise up and save our lives from death? could it be the seven year old business boy? or could it be the group italian men seated all around me (who remind me of the mob by their conversations)? would i join the terrified crowd and let chaos reign in my heart, or would God give me the grace and strength to calm the minds of my fellow man while i think (and then carry out) a plan to save the lives of the people onboard? then if i did, i'd be called a hero but where would my heart go? Glory to someone who has not lived twenty years but to the One who created me and showed me the way to live?

now as we begin to fly into the heavens, my mind wanders out to the window to my right. chaos has come to an end for now, and it looks like order has edged out chaos for this duration of the flight.

october 1st
time: unknown
location: still onboard the airplane

medication
it feels like for the last few hours, i've tried to sleep but to avail. the mobsters around me, keep talking outloud, thank you Lord for allowing me to have a row to myself. right now it has been announced that we're starting our decline in heighth towards our destination of detriot, michigain. earlier in the flight, i was able to roughly see the stars God put the sky. i say roughly because my eye condition and the dark blanket of the cabin lights. my gaze was interupted due to the pain that lies within my stomach.

this medication the flight attendant gave me tastes like the stuff at dentist offices, they make you gargle for endless centuries or at least your toleration of it continues. oh well, its done its duty and my stomach feels better, but my mind is unable to shut down at the moment.

as the airplane continues its decent, a sermon by Mark Dristoll is ringing in my head. he mentions in the sermon that young boys and young men are fascinated with sporting events but older men are fascinated with war. this is what my mind begins to mediate on while the pink pill is swirling around in my stomach. this journey that brings me back to louisiana, this part of the state that hurricanes have caused destruction and chaos, visually has been compared to the aftermath of a war. because of the danger of the trip, i've been advised not to partake in assistance because its someone else's job. however, the question still lingers, why did i enlist to assit complete strangers in a state far from my own?

could it be for approval from my peers?
fame?
glory?
women? (i know that isn't a possibly, i hope)

the only answer that puts my mind at ease as we begin to taxi the airport, is this. in times of turbulation, everything i hold dearly in life, i count as lost. so that i might follow the Saviour without any distractions this world trys to entice me with. this world has everything for me yet this world has nothing for me. because where He calls me to follow, i will go.

--to be continued--

Looking back at the recent adventure of helping out with the recovery effort in Louisiana, there are many ways i could describe my time down there. Words like rewarding, life changing, however the one that I'm going to be focusing on is the single word, hope. Hope is a characteristic i think so often we downplay because we don't properly understand what genuine hope is. We use hope as an adjective when describing a situation we are entering in, for example, i hope we return safely or i hope she still likes me. And in the routine of daily living we tend to put our hope in things that should not give us hope and comfort. The dictionary defines hope as the following “a feeling that is wanted will happen; desire accompanied by expectation”. After getting back to Arizona to collect all my thoughts, i wrestled endless nights trying to describe the adventure but hope still won as the summation of my week long adventure.

Why hope? When i was on the airplane before our adventure had begun, i was reminded of the classic hymn of the faith “On Christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is shifting sand, all other ground is shifting sand”. So often in my daily life, i say that Christ is my foundation for living but do i truly act like “my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name” i look at my current circumstances and want immediate results without knowing why God has brought me through various trials. For instance, as i write this entry, i am not officially sure where i will call home for the new year, my parents both would like me to move back with them however, I'm trying to figure out if God would have me to stay in the East Valley and if so, then realizing that God will provide all my needs in life, but in his timing and not my own. The trip empathized this last point. The families we interacted with while tearing down sheet rock, and doing landscaping jobs, they were firm on the fact that God was gracious to them by sparing their lives but also knowing the fact that their sins have been paid for once and for all eternity by the work of Christ. Yes there were many possessions that were lost because of the storms but they remained optimistic because of their love for the Saviour.

In short, the trip to Louisiana re-emphasized what God has taught me for this year.

Through out all of history, when God calls sinners to his side become co-heirs with Christ to the Kingdom of God, they are given a hope that is not from this world and that hope is found in Jesus Christ's Faithfulness on their behalf, taking the wrath of God that they deserved with all of their being. But because of God's never changing character of mercy, sovereignty, grace, loving kindness, but more importantly, faithfulness. Once these every day people put their hope in Jesus' work on the cross for their sins, they are given hope and this is what hope is a product of:

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."--Romans 5

where does hope come from?

I've found that nowhere in scripture does it say that it comes from our work or our own heart. This is because even though we have hearts that are changed and minds that are not serving the flesh, we still wrestle with ideas and thoughts that are not completely one hundred percent steam from a biblical Christian worldview. so we cannot find hope within ourselves, nevertheless , God never fails to provide his amazing grace, so that we along with David can rejoice in declaring

4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.--Psalm 23

Because of our regenerated hearts, we are able to look upward and continue to be Christ-like to those around us. we are exhorted that "because He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" and finally true hope does not come from being active in a particular group, because groups are made up of humanity which is fallen since day one.

so what was revealed to me in new Orleans? when God calls people to become co-heirs with Christ in the kingdom of God, they are able to remain on solid ground because they are given a hope that cannot be replaced with a false sense of hope. because the hope in life is given to them because of Christ's work on their behalf for the purchase of their sins and hearts.

closing thoughts

don't lose hope, even when this world tells you that you should. consider for a moment the following examples in the life of the apostle Paul and writer, John Bunyan.

Paul, church planter and apostle extraordinary wrote the following advice regarding when he first visited the church at Corinth:
And I, when I came to you, brothers,did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

Yet among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are doomed to pass away. But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory. None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written,

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him"--

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. "For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.

How Bunyan Dealt with Hope
I recently read John Piper's book about the fruit in the lives of John Bunyan, William Cowper and David Brainerd. If you need a wake up call to realize God's hand is still on His people while they are going through many trials and tribulations, i highly recommend his book entitled, The Hidden Smile of God: The Fruit of Affliction in the Lives of John Bunyan, William Cowper, and David Brainerd. The following section is from Bunyan's autobiography regarding how he was able to endure muliple terms in jail:

Before I came to prison, I saw what was a-coming, and had especially two considerations warm upon my heart; the first was how to be able to endure, should my imprisonment be long and tedious; the second was how to be able to encounter death, should that be here my portion; for the first of these, that scripture (Col 1:11) was great information to me, namely, to pray to God to be "strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness." I could seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned, but not for so little as a year together, this sentence, or sweet petition, would, as it were, thrust itself into my mind, and persuade me, that if ever I would go through long-suffering, I must have all patience, especially if I would endure it joyfully.

325. As to the second consideration, that saying (2 Cor 1:9), was of great use to me, But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead. By this scripture I was made to see, that if ever I would suffer rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, my wife, my children, my health, my enjoyments, and all, as dead to me, and myself as dead to them. "He that loveth father or mother, son or daughter, more than me, is not worthy of me" (Matt 10:37).

326. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible; as Paul said in another place, the way not to faint, is to "look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor 4:18).

end thought
in closing, i could post all of this and say that i haven't directly applied what I've just stated. and that's the truth, i get held up in living in my comfort zone, i tend to forget that each day when i wake up, God is still reigning in heaven and doing all things together for His good. even though times like right now regarding my living situation, I've had to place my complete and full trust that He will provide all my needs in life rather than saying God hasn't provided my needs yet. He has because each day when are alive, we no longer have the condemnation of our sins over our head but now we have the conviction our sins, because of the spirit living within us and the Son interceding before the Father every moment we fall. What a savior, to love us even when we were unlovable. And now we have hope because of the many times we endure through hardship, this hope doesn't come from us or our doing, it comes completely from God and to Him alone to receive all glory